Posts tagged ‘phone’

The Digitally Dilapidated

During our stay in a four star hotel at the beautiful istrian beach, with warm, clear waters and a great view on Rovinj, I noticed something.
Parents, kids of all ages, entire families, couples, all just watching/reading shit of their phones, tablets, and in one case, a laptop even.

At breakfast, lunch, dinner, beach, pool, wherever.
“What did you see during your vacation in Coratia?”
“YouTube, Facebook and Instagram”
Fuck you.

Here, my conviction, that smartphones aren’t made for us, got it’s final veneer. Perhaps some future generation that is truly capable of multitasking might take advantage of this stuff, but it is not for us.

Instead of spending time with their families, their spouses, their parents, their siblings, their children, or just plain taking in the vistas, nature, clean air and relative silence, people are staring at their phones! Instead of getting away from the shit that they are confronted with daily at home, they take it with them EVERYWHERE, and then wonder, why they do not feel relaxed.
I had people at the hike through the Plitvica Lakes Nationalpark, looking at their phones, occasionally looking up, going “wow” snapping a crappy cellphone picture and then continue typing/reading shit.

For Fucks Sake! LIVE IN THE REAL WORLD! Not the virtual world. Converse with one another, and get more substance out of fewer connections, instead of more connections with less substance.
Moronic cancers of human (de)evolution.
Take care, and put away those fucking devices, make a scheduled “social media (half)hour” once a day, and other than that, no social media, no texts/messages. Same with news. Just calls.
A.

Life ain’t that hard, communication

There are many things segregating the peoples of this earth. Culture and religion are two of the more deeply rooted ones.

Then there’s communication. 

It separates people from the same culture, religion and, yes, even the same fraking language.

Sugar coated, silver tongued words are incomprehensible to simple blokes (like me). Religious, bloated texts from the bronze age, are incomprehensible (and thus “true”) to anyone who lacks critical thinking.
The slang from the “ghetto” is nigh incomprehensible to the uptown folk.

But that isn’t what I want to adress here.

It’s the following shit, as usual with my solutions to the issues at hand:

■Emoji – Look, if you need to express yourself with god damn pictograms, move to ancient Egypt, or the Mayan Empire. If you need to ‘enhance’ your communication with those pictograms, you lack some essential communication skills, and should be forced to sit with your mental peers – in preschool.
■Failures at their native language – if you can’t make heads or tails of yojr native language (like “there”, “their” and “they’re” as well as other homophones), we get to beat your head with heavy thick books. Thesaurus, dictionaries, books with lots of words (and sentences, paragraphs, etc.) and no friggin pictures anywhere. (Afterwards you must read and study them!)
■Euphemisms – if you use terms that have no real world equivalent (“negative cash flow position” = broke; “fursona” = clinically insane; etc.), or any form of uber political correct language, I am going to cripple you.
And rightly so.
■Euphemisms II – in general, if you sacrifice comprehensibility on the altar of fancy speech, you lose. A small base is surely willing to follow you on your newspeak way, but the majority, isn’t. On occasion you troglodytes may utter a brilliant thing or two, but no one can understand your weird lingo!
■I don’t think it means what you think it means – You people keep using words without knowing what they mean. Before you believe someone hurling words at you that (should) scare/impress you, check those words in an actual dictionary, especially if your first impulse is to believe, or worse, repeat them (to others)! Unless you want to one day be beaten with said dictionary, in addition to making yourself look like a dumbass.
■Factcheck – if the words are used in the right context, please, before you spread factually inaccurate garbage, check the claims made in your communication. Don’t make up claims yourself. In case you don’t fact check or make up crap, it is YOU who looks like a dumb fool.
■Picture madness – if you only (or predominantly) convey shoddy information as (ill spelled/grammatically wrong) text in an image with a pseudo spiritual backdrop and imagery (or a “quote” with a picture of the “quoted”) your way of communicating is crappy. Stop communicating. At all.
■More language torture – writing in abbreviations or contractions. U kno m8? I will personally track you down and beat you with first grader books until you poop the reading rainbow! Read books, write like an adult!
■Decorations? – Did you notice this wird chicken scratch thing I keep inserting in my text? “,” – it’s called a comma. It is your friend. Use it. I may not be perfect, but I’m afraid I am better than thou, because I have had to sit through texts without any comma. Dear people who do not use commas: I will stab you in the eye!
■Signatures – I understand the need of E-Mail signatures. Inserting your contact info at the end of your Mail is common place. I do it in my private E-Mails with my social media gobshite, and at the office with the usual crap (Telephone, Fax, etc.) But if you add a disclaimer about third-party usage and so on, that is LONGER than your typical E-Mail, it’s obnoxious. If you add a passive agressive message (with hiroglyphs?) about your insecurities and selfrighteous ramblings about your life’s choices, I WILL find you, and I WILL hurt you.
■Phones – Short consise exchanges of Information. That’s what a phone call sbould be. The technology enables us to send a WHISPER around the globe, so, DON’T YELL!! You have a cellphone, pick up. If I repeatedly call and can’t reach you, I get to take away your cellphone and get you stuck with a landline again. Just so I can strangle you with the cord.
■(Tele)Fax – Stop using this out dated technology. Just stop. And if you insist on uaing it for some outlandish, primitive reason, make damn sure you have the right side facing the scanner, you wouldn’t believe how many empty faxes I have had to endure in my work.

There, was it really that hard?
Didn’t think so.
Now, get going in correct communication.

Take care,
A.

Life ain’t that hard, phones.

image

Oh yes, that thing!

It is this simple:
-the stupid thing rings
-you pick it up
-talk
-finish the conversation
-hang up

Or:

-you dial a number
-pick up
-wait for the other to pick up
-talk
-finish the conversation
-hang up

End of story.

It isn’t fracking rocket science.

But the simplicity of the technology was too overwhelming for you idiots out there “we can be reached via telephone from 06:57 till 11:59 and from 12:32 till 16:42” frak you!
“You have reached the answering machine (voicemail) of Xaver Fratzenbraten, leave a message after the beep.” No. No I will not leave a message. Pick up your god damn phone you useless piece of filth.

With the advent of caller ID and smartphones, you can decide whether to pick up or not, by knowing who it is that is calling, before picking up.
But this is also the tricky part: If you aren’t going to answer calls from numbers you don’t know, don’t give away your fracking number!

If you have a smart- or regular old cellphone – PICK IT UP!!!
There is nothing more annoying than calling someone who has no meeting, is not driving, should be readily available 24/7 and the frakker never picks up the bloody phone!

Don’t get me started on the whole ringtone topic, or the newest atrocity: Music I, the caller, have to listen to while, waiting for you, the called, to pick up. Usually it’s some crappy tune onr can’t stand after hearing it the second time, certainly it’s violence inducing after the radio played it twenty times a day for eight weeks straight, and now YOU made me listen to it while waiting for you to answer? Frak you!

So, up there it is, a simply and handy guide to phone usage. Make it your cellphone background as a frakking reminder, or print it out and glue it to your case.

Oh and one simple rule, if yuo are on the phone – don’t yell. Don’t scream your everyday conversations, these things can be regulated in volume, and it functions in a way you don’t have to yell the distance away, okay?

Pick up,
A.

The wonders and mysteries

of the Samsung Battery.

I’m a Samsung user.
I love my Samsung Smartphone(s) and Tablet, as much as you can love an inanimte object. I write on them (with exceptions) and couldn’t imagine modern life without them.

My first and second smartphones were both from LG, and I hold them near and dear to my heart, they were really good smartphones. Small, reliable (until the mic started failing on the newer one) and usable.
But not as good as Samsung!

I got a second hand Galaxy S2, and I couldn’t be happier.

But that was the first time I got in touch with a Samsung Battery. You charge it, it shows 72%, you unplug it because of reasons, go to take a dump for example, you take a look at the display and without being connected the battery charged another 5%!
What the actual Frak???
My Tablet Battery is the same baffling mystery in a bigger device. 100% goes to 65% in five minutes, you turn off the screen for three minutes turn it back on and you’re suddenly at 82%!

Samsung Batteries seem to be either ghost (dis)charging or simply broken.

I had a replacement battery for the S2, and that never showed any of these weird symptoms. Because it was thirdparty technology perhaps. But no matter how hard these batteries hit me in the balls, I take solace that in the fact that at least I’m not using apple. 😉

A.

Neo would be fracked…

fifteen years on after Matrix came out (let’s “ignore” the sequels, please!) and I realize, Neo would be fracked pretty much these days.

He ran through the city and grabbed some dudes cellphone mid call, dropped the all and dialed Morpheus while being chased by Agent Smith. So far, so good.

Had he done the same thing with me and my cell back in 1999, he would’Ve been able to do all the same things he did in the movie (let’s be honest, I couldn’t have stopped him no matter how much I wanted). BUT! Would he be chased by Agent Smith today, and grabbed some dudes phone (mine for example) mid call, he could drop the call. But then he’d be fracked.

What’s my screen lock pin?

Other people have the pattern (if they keep their phone uncleaned, you can retrace it). Or a password, or a pin, instead of the all might “Slide to Unlock”. He would have to grab (smart)phones until he found a slider, or look actively for one still using an old cellphone.
Needless to say, Smith would catch up and beat the crap out of him. Eventually Neo would overcome his “normality” and turn into the chosen one – but until that point – OUCH.

(And yes, he’s a hacker, but without equipment, while running full speed, he couldn’t hack sh*t)

So, let’S be glad that the MAtrix was filmed (and took place) in 1999…in conclusion “They just don’t make movies like that anymore”…

Stuff (29.July 2013)

I have a videocamera, a digi cam, a large Music Library, a TV and Radio, an alarmclock, a stopwatch, a watch, a computer with Internet Connection, Browser, E-Mail, office applications, games and a ton of storage capacity, not to mention a phone and a messaging capability to send short text messages to other people.
IN MY POCKET!

I always find it astonishing if I think about it this way. Yeah, again I’m beating the virtual again here, but a cellphone is a pretty fraking amazing miracle!
And it shows so many pictures of my baby son. 😉

Yet, eventhough I have access to almost all of mankinds information with it, I wonder when I will be able to scan stuff with it? You know, a Tricorder like in Star Trek. “I won’t bord that Subway, oxygen levels in there are so low only lower lifeforms can survive in it!” 😀

Conspiracy of the seven!
Okay, it isn’t a real conspiracy, but I observed a fascinating obsession we as a society / species have with that prime number. Here it goes, Seven:
• Days in a Week
• Deadly Sins
• Seals
• th Haven
• Wonders of the (ancient) World
• Seasons to Star Trek TNG, DS9 and Voyager
• Summits
More if I stumble upon it. 😀

Insane?
Is it an option to return to the mental asylum?
No honestly people, I’m contemplating returning to Facebook, mostly for reasons of making this blog more widely known. But perhaps I’m just going to restart there with a brand new FB site…
Still pondering about this, no rushed decisions. 😉

Speaking of insanity, a relative is driving me into angry mode atm. So when I’m not busy with tending to Baby and Babyneeds, my wife, my dog, the apartment, work and a little bit myself (= writing), I’m in angry mode. I beg your fogriveness concerning my lack of activity here.
Aside of that I have prepared for the next few parts of the Whose World Series. (I know you folks don’t like it as much, but maybe you’ll grow to it in time, if not, I still publish it…) see the “Shape of Things to Come” page for details of the schedule.

Hopingyou are ahving a good time never the less.
A.