Posts tagged ‘pokemon go’

Crappy Birthday in September

​http://www.smartbe.co/

Introducing Smartbe, the smart stroller for dumb people who shouldn’t have children, let alone be left alone with them.

This thing can be controlled via app, on your “I’m-a-certified-moron”-watch or your smart phone. It then will follow your every move, always staying a certain distance away from you, so you can jog (an activity for idiots, especially on paved ground), or take calls and stroll around like a squirrel on speed (always shadowed by that stroller which is creepy), hunt down, mercilessly attack and catch imaginary critters in the park, or just walk without touching the darn thing – god forbid, you could form an emotional bond with the small entity inside (hey you handsfree-bimbo, now you can reacher over and “touch” ME!)

The fondle-a-stranger-friendly distance to stroller and child, the emotional cold so to say, is continued in other features of this space age stroller: 

¤In case you are so distanced to your parasitic offspring that you walk away from the stroller/pram with the baby inside, you can get an alarm, on your phone! I’m sure it will not be tripped by the twenty people who check if the child is alright while you let some dude ‘plow your fields’ around the next bush. 

¤Your child might be chilly or exposed to too much wind/sun? No problem, just close the canopy on the little fucker from the app, no need to get too close!

¤Curious how your child is doing? Forget bending over and looking, you might catch a whiff of those nasty baby smells, just look at your brat through the camera! Best part, your child won’t ever even know you just looked at it – it will remain frightened, crying and desperate for some warm human interaction. 

I must admit, the seatheater and the bottle warmer are innovative ideas for a pram, but the rest?

Look people, life ain’t that hard: if you have kids your pre-child activities are restricted, or put on hold for a few years. You wanna jog or fondle strangers in the park? Do it while your partner has the kid, or a nanny, or a grandmother (they usually beat other people to spend time with their grandchildren). 

But, do not take them with. 

Especially in a fucking pram that is (will be) presumably powered by the same kind of Lithium Ion batteries that lit up a few “hoverboards”. 

There are easier, less idiotic and cheaper ways to kill your baby. Or give it up for adoption.

Or better yet – do not have a child, your genes deserve no chance of being passed on.

Crappy Birthday.

Augmented Reality

The concept of this sounds like the most awesome invention in entertainment, the most innovatve idea in navigation and information ever.

Sounds.
But isn’t.

Plenty of old-schoolers have ripped on “Pokemon Go”. Bashing it with plenty of valid, and not so valid points pf criticism. 

I ain’t gonna chime in to the chorus, either loving or hating it – I don’t care for it.
At all.

Of course, some are blaming the game for the things the game can not be faultet for: our unpreparedness for augmented reality games.
•As individuals some lack the common sense and decency not to walk into hospitals – including ICUs, not to hike over graves on cemeteries, not to wander onto construction sites and fall into open holes in the ground, not to walk into oncoming traffic. I can hardly wait for the first morons to slip into nuclear power plants and get irradiated because a pikachu was hiding there.
Is the game to fault for any of this?
Nope. Human idiocy is.
•There are Pokemon in holocaust memorial sites, in hospitals, on graveyards, etc., preemptively the governments of the countries where this game is available should have told Niantic/Nintendo NOT to put shit there. Especially after the far less known and far less popular game Ingress had faced similar criticisms. Did the people in power learn? Nope. Did the game developers – who built on Ingress – learn? Nope. So at least a partial fault can be passed on to the development team.

We as a society were not prepared, our governments were not prepared, the developers were not prepared.
To some extent we still aren’t.
But this is not the fault of the game.
People, societies and governments were not prepared for TV, cellphones, smartphones or the internet. Some still struggle with that shit altogether. (Especially considering the lack of a coherent and transparent copyright law, eh?)

Faulting the game for exposing our own unpreparedness, our inadequacy to adapt to the new situation, is an escape mechanism.

It frightens us, how stupid people “become” when playing this game, it frightens us even more to know that these people were reckless idiots before, and Pokemon was just the catalyst that brought it to daylight.
It frightens us to see that just this easily a company can develop something – something so immaterial as software even – that turns our view of the world on its head, that makes everything different, that shows us our own inadequacies, and limitations.

It is just the same as saying that violent games make people run amok.
They don’t. These days it is relatively easy to obtain a weapon, if you have those tendencies.
If you have the tendency to run amok, you may still have an inkling of common sense preventing you from doing it at the first impulse, and you are drawn in by the violent games. Did the game make the homicidal maniacs? No. But they gravitated towards them.
Did Pokemon Go make the people stupid? No. It acted as a catalyst and exposed the window lickers as what they are.

Verdict: Not guilty.
Let Pokemon Go, go. Leave it be.

Accept that idiots are everywhere, and lament the fact that we did not turn Augmented Reality into the hottest tourist and learning app of all ages. That we did not turn augmented reality into a sky gazing app.
Be sad that you can’t whip out your phone, direct the camera to the weird cloud in the sky and it tells you what sort of cloud it is, what it means weather wise….and so on. What tree is this? What flower am I looking at? etc.
No we turned augmented reality into a game.
Just a game.

Take care,
A.