Posts tagged ‘police’

Crappy Birthday in August

Imagine the possibilities with this!

Mother-in-law, tax agents, debt collectors, Antivaxxers, white supremacists, filthy rebel scum and others who you love just as much like the aforementioned groups. Who hadn’t had paranoia before, feels watched now.
To paraphrase (and alter) the slogan the furniture store I found this gem in: Do you still dwell, or are you afraid already?

Intrusive thieves will not find the safe behind/underneath this carpet. Rather they voluntarily will leave the premise in a copcar they called themselves (plagued by horrid fears of paranoid delusions), relieved to be incarcerated, thinking they could escape the soul piercing gaze, which will follow then into every cell, every nightmare.

Crappy Birthday.

Beating the virtual (02.08.14)

I’m posting this irregularly instead of postponing it to some obscure Friday, this needs to be let out ASAP…

•)Fecesbook went down for 30 minutes and the shitheads call the cops because of this? Are you kidding me?!
Was crushing candy and trading geese really that important?? It went even so far that a police officer (or spokesperson) put out a tweet asking people to stop calling, because they didn’t know when it’ll be back, either!

•)Animal shelters across the UK notice a rise, if not a surge, in black animals being abandoned, especially black cats.
No, not because they’re the harbinger of ill fortune.
But because they are “no good for Facebook photos”…and you wonder why the servers had to take a 30 minute break from these morons?!

•)Amazon wishlist.
I don’t even know where to start.
Women (and girls I presume), are putting up a wishlist, if someone, even a total stranger, buys them their crap, they send him a semi-/nude pic.
A) that’s prostitution. If you know any female participating in this, call her what she is: a cheap whore.
B) it’s stupid. If you know any male purchasing crap for this, call him what he is: an idiot.

Don’t call any of the participants “perverts”, a pervert would be a dude asking a girl for her wishlist in return for a picture of her with a pine comb up her cootch. And she does it. THOSE are perverts.

You can find millions of naked women in the net.
Presumably some of them get their own kicks out of showing off. I believe tumblr is mostly living off of this.
I wouldn’t spend good cash for shit I don’t get (which will influence my amazon suggestions), just to see a semi-/naked photo of some bimbo.
Listen here gou twatfaces: for the amount of cash you want me/us to waste on you, I expect something more than just pictures! (No, not videos. Figure it out…)
And if pictures are all you’re willing to give, I’d only dote a few cents on you, so if you have a kindle, we can strike up a deal for an eBook. (As if you people ever read anything else than Facebook comments and tweets!)

T minus 16

Kill it with fire!Quick! Kill it with fire before it can lay eggs! Slay the beast before your soul is consumed by it’s malevolent grin!

I want to beat that smirk off the face of this creature, it’s ugliness only rivaled by JarJar Binks and the monkey from Lost in Space.
But I know why it is smirking like this: For anyone who buys it, that smirk is a constant reminder that they have wasted money on such a hiddeous thing! Seriously, this is better than a guard dog! Any burgular who breaks into your apartment stops in front of this things, crying, pooping and vomitting at the same time – law inforcement can just pick the culprit up and take him away.

If you have people you truly, TRULY hate – this is the perfect gift. Like a never ending backhand slap in the face this creature will stand in their living room constantly reminding of your newly inflamed feud.