Posts tagged ‘pollen’

People are obnoxiously dumb (n-th part)

Last week we had seen the garden expo. Part of it at least. 

Later my wife wanted to leave a review of the place on their Facebook page. Where she found a review from some woman that had visited the same day. 

Don’t try to find the post, it has since been deleted. (But we have screenshots)

A little context before I paraphrase. Here (as probably all over the northern hemisphere) cottonwood blossoms right about this time of year, releasing their seeds into the wind – hundreds of thousands of little woolly drifters floating with every gust of wind, covering grass, shrubs and playground. My primary school’s yard had these fuckers sitting right behind it, so I am accustomed to this stuff. 

This lady gave a 4 star review, subtracting one star because of these cottonwood floaters. Arguing in the discussion my wife started with her that it is an absolute horror for allergics visiting the garden expo. 

Let that reason sink in for a moment.

Cottonwood floaters are a nightmare for allergics visiting the GARDEN EXPO.

I am an allergic. When I said “Yes, let’s go to the garden expo” I anticipated that I will be suffering.
A lot of the shit on display is BLOOMING. If you are an allergic and you’re surprised that the garden expo, at the end of May, is giving you a hard time without your antihistamines – how are you still alive?

These are the same people who bitch about a sea cruise that when they looked out the window, they only saw the ocean, AND that they got seasick.

Just thought I’d share this little gem of idiocy with you.

Take care,
A.

Season of death

Others find spring romantic.
Everything awakens from their wintery slumber, blossoms open, life seemingly begins anew. It’s the season to fall in love in, the season for wedding vows, for having children, for outdoor activities, for outdoor sports. The season for life!

I, however, think that spring is the season of death.
Not just because my grandparents died shortly before and during spring respectively, but because of those opening blossoms.

Worse than the radioactive deathcloud from Chernobyl had hit us, this hits home every year.

Pollen.
Clouds and clouds of pollen.

I wake up in the morning with a sore throat and clogged nose, every breath hurts as if I had smoked two packs of cigarettes last night, minus the smell. And my eyes water and itch as if some jokster had strewn sand into them.

Outdoor activities?
Yes please, but only when it rains, or shortly thereafter.
Romantic?
In a morbid way, sure.
The same way some people think venomous snakes are romantic (or pretty), I think of beautiful springtime flowers/blossoms.

It never fails to alarm me, reminding me of my own mortality, when I wake up to an annoying cough, my eyes already a ground zero of itching and burning.
Seriously, frack spring.

PS: Despite this obvious attempt at manslaughter by mother nature, I still do my work out. It involves a lot more panting and gasping for air, but I do it anyway…

Spring Time

There is this weird transitory phase between winter and spring, when everything is in full on, hardcore, pollen spraying mode.
You walk along outside (breathing through a tube in your neck as you’d suffocate otherwise), and make this odd observation:

Some trees/shrubberies look like a fuzzy colorful version of themselves, covered in nothing but blossoms. No foliage, just petals, spewing forth an invisible cloud of sweet aromatic death (aka pollen), err…I mean sending out a cloud of sweet fragrances of spring and love and life.
Anyhow.
So there’s the colorful fuzzy shrubs on one hand, and you let your (teary, burning, itching) gaze wander on to the next tree or shrub, and that bitch hasn’t done shit.
It is still in winter mode. No blossoms, no leaves, not even buds. Nothing!

And you’re standing there (internally aggravated that this ‘barely breathing, running eyes of fire’ time will be prolonged by this huge difference in blooming activities) confused that you can see THE definition of spring and a definitive picture of winter (bare branches and twigs) side by side.

I know why this is happening, I understand this shit. Resource allocation, making use of pollinators and so on, but for fraks sake, this is confusing my mind. I stand there, enjoying the warm sunshine, my asthmatic breathing is a sure sign that summer is coming, I enjoy this to a certain degree seeing the death cloud producing shrubs and trees, and all of a sudden I see a plant that makes me feel as of winter was coming.
Frak you late bloomer!
Frak you for making me feel like winter is coming now, and frak you later when your late blooming shit is taking my ability to breathe away.

Spring fraking sucks….
Take care,
A.

Spring…

…has got me in it’s clutches, wringing the sweet life out of me, choking me with powerfull hands around my throat and numbing smells in my nose…yes, my allergies have gotten the best of me.

As every year.

On the other hand, two weeks ago I was running around in boots, T-Shirt, shirt and leather jacket, now I sweat if I step outside. I like climate change (say global warming just one time and I’ll suffocate you in snow! Not after this terribly long winter!) sometimes. Everyday the chestnut trees in our street have become greener and greener over the last week. At first only green hints appeared, to be quickly extended to green leaves the next day. IF we still leave near there next year I will take pictures.

The smell of spring / summer is in the air. Although it strangles me, I love it, after smelling only the icy cold and the rotting autumn leaves.

Still, my allergies have the disturbing sideeffect that reality becomes a strange thing. I feel spaced out as if on heavy drugs – or at least some good weed. Time constantly changes its pace, what was yesterday seems like five weeks ago, what has been three days earlier seems like a few minutes ago.
At least gravity keeps the same.
Unlike that one time…I digress.

If my style of posting blurbs/comedy changes in the next few days/weeks (and very recently) – its only temporary, and it should return back to normal once main allergy season has blown over. 🙂

Until such time, keep up with my changed style, it still is me talking, although through a haze of pollen…

A.