Posts tagged ‘pork’

Crappy Birthday in March

Holy freak, I almost forgot about you folks needing this month’s birthday presents.

Here it comes, the costume to end all costumes, the cosplay to end all cosplay.

For 28 Euro you can look like a carcinogenic piece of pork. (With a smile that fills every creep with envy)
Ideal gift for your Jewish or Muslim friends, or their elderly relatives. Or yours if you’re from a faith forbidding pork.
A hearty laugh will be had in any case.

Gift this, our present yourself in this at any gift giving occasion this month, if you love to frak with people’s minds.
Drive them further towards, or further over, the edge. Redefine reality, and let them know, that you’re alive, and that they are too.
Whether they like it, our not.

Crappy Birthday,
A.

Advertisements

What’s so special?

There is something I don’t get about the currently most fought over countries and territories on earth.

ISIS want’s to errect a califate in IRaq and Syria. Mostly consisting of DESERT.
BokoHaram wan’t an islamic state in Nigeria. Mostly consisting of DESERT.Isreal and the west bank – mostly DESERT!
Crusaders wanted the same territory currently being Israel – DESERT AGAIN!

I’m sorry to say this, christians, muslims and jews – you’re all NUTS! What do you want in the god damn desert? If I were to call a strip of land holy, it’d be a place filled with lush forests, rivers, mountains with glaciers on it, herds of boars, orchards that need little to no irrigation, etc. A litteral PARADISE! That would be my holy land, you nutjobs can keep your deserts.

What is there in the desert?
Loneliness?
You can get that in a lush forest or a mountaintop. For the love your gods and mother nature – fight over/for a REAL place to live! NOT THE GOD DAMN DESERT!

You wonder why some people view you religious people as totally insane lunatics? BECAUSE YOU FIGHT OVER SAND! Not for water, food, live giving resources, BUT SAND!
God is all nice and if you want to die for your belief, okay, but NOT TO LIVE IN THE DAMN DESERT!

So, unless you realise that the desert is no place to live (ever wonder why they go through regime’s in the middle east faster than through a pack of tictacs? DESERT!), your endeavours are doomed.

A.

Don’t eat shoes!

I have had enough!
SIMPLY and plainly ENOUGH!

If you are a Vegan and you keep quiet about it – good for you. You have my blessing.
If you are a Vegan and you keep soving it in everybody’s face – I wan’t to beat you with a hammer. You are just as annoying as these religous nuts who can’t shut up about god.
Hammertime!

No matter what kind of Vegan you are, there are a few Bullshit lines you can cross.
1. Bullshit line: Meat supplement. If you made the CONSCIOUS choice of eating only vegetables, an othing that was produced from animal (labour), there simply isn’t any meat. No burgers, no sausages, no nothing.
So if you are longing for a burger, you have to make the conscious choice to deny yourself the burger, and not fake it with a Tofu Burger. That is “I want to, but I can’t” and you need to stop. Either your will is strong enough to pull it through, or it isn’t. IF it isn’t, kill you conscience and pig out.
2. Bullshit line: If you are offended by the fact that Vegan Restaurants aren’t allowed to educate official cook apprentices. It’s simple, a cook apprentice needs to be ABLE to cook meat. It’s that simple. Therefore a Vegan restaurant can’t legally have an apprentice. Period. (Don’t get me started on “But Muslim/Jewish Cooks/Butchers don’t have to touch pork”. That’s different. Sort of, if you ask me, they should be forced to. YOU DON’T HAVE TO EAT THE PORK FRAKKERS! Just prepare my bacon, asshole!)
3. Bullshit line: This is the one that got me to write this post. DON’T EAT SHOES!
My wife stumbled upon an advert from Espirt: “Vegan Shoes” … I can’t even…what? YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO EAT THEM! What about Croq’s? They’re plastic, and therefore, VEGAN! Wanna know how oil (the base for plastic) came to be? Plankton, saturated with water, became entrapped and over time and pressure became oil. Plankton = plants! So – VEGAN! Still, don’t eat shoes. It doesn’t matter whether they have the “PETA-Vegan approved” sign or not. DO NOT EAT SHOES!

So, again, if you’re a Vegan – good for you. Stay strong and eat your produce. Steer clear of meat, and animal products, don’t fake out with tofu burgers and stuff, and DON’T EAT SHOES!

Take care,
A.

The Organic Farm

Well, they had a party and an open invitation at a “local” organic farm.

So we went there.

If I disliked “organic” before, I officially hate that crap now.

Basic semantics aside (EVERYTHING is organic/biological, if it weren’t, it would’ve oozed into our reality from some other universe) I believe i cracked their secret.

Class A goods (for example Apples) are sent off to stores as normal goods.
B grade and less qualified products are covered in dirt and grime, called “organic”, and sold for a fortune! Although it’s just the regular crap, just slightly less A grade.

Thanks to an Ex of mine I know how pork tastes sometimes.
As a city boy I knew pork only as what most of us know it. But if you buy the cheap pork, you have a certain “porky” flavour to it.
Here my Ex comes into the picture.
She was living in the country side and we occassionally drove by pig farms. You know that porky flavor?
IT’S PIG SHIT!
That’s the intense, rural, porky flavor.

I had a pork Schnitzel at the organic farm. Guess what taste was coming through? Right…ORGANIC. Expensive, organic porky, rural, pig shit flavor you get from cheap pork.

Now I also know that I fracking hate hippies!

I agree on their ideals, on the philosophy – but I’d like to strangle them in public!

“Yes, uhm Lemonaid lenonade please.” *barkeep gets it to her* *takes a sip* “This is carbonated! ”
“Yes, it’s lenonade!”
*returns 20 seconds later* “do you have a non refrigerated one, this one’s too cold.”
“Sorry ma’am, they’re stored cold and brought here to be on display in the fridge.”
I would’ve told her to hold it in her hands to warm it up, shake the damn bottle to get rid of the carbon acid, but that would involve “animal” labour, so it wouldn’t be vegan…besides, this crazy nut hat a Ché Guevara face ironed/sewn to the back of her jacket, over her shoulderblade, right where the strap of her bag was tearing on it.
So she is in support of a man who ordered executions on people who did not share his ideals, who ordered non-revolutionary workers to do hard labor in a camp?
Or more likely she’s anti establishment, but doesn’t know jackshit about Ché. Or only the good bits.

Speaking of anti establishment.
You organic nutjobs – you created an INDUSTRY. It is not organic anymore if it has to be driven cross country. The carbon foot print the so called “organic” shit leaves behind is so big that all organic-ness is fading away.
It isn’t possibly organic, if the interests of an INDUSTRY are at stake.

You want organic food?
Farm it!
You can’t, but want it? Find someone who DOES farm it! No, not the supermarket, again, not organic: just the regular shit, covered in dirt.
I mean like a friend. Or a small local farmer.
But not an industry.

Next up, in line at the organic supermarket on site, I see a stand from some woman who looks like she hadn’t seen fun since 1969, and on display, amongst other “goods”, was a DVD:

“We’re not vaccinating!” – well good. I hope you’re going to catch every disease there is a vaccine against. You, your spouse and your kid(s), whom you try and “protect” from poisoning due to vaccination…YOU DIM WITTED BAFOONS!

Don’t any of you dare and say that your kids didn’t get sick. Just DON’T!
There are only vaccinated people around your kid, including you, where should your kid get an infection from? Yes we need the vaccinations to KEEP the current level of infection free societies. Or even to eradicate certain diseases all to gether.
BTW: Vaccines aren’t antibiotics. In NO current vaccine is mercury an ingredient. Vaccines DO NOT cause autism, seizures, cancer, leukaemia or anything else.
Maybe a little fever. Not more.

Your kid is in special school, because your kid has always been that way, not because vaccinations brain damaged your kid.
Period.

If you believe any of the anti-vaccination propaganda, your fault. If you spread it, I believe you deserve to be beaten. If you then say “You people who vaccinate don’t love you children, because you inject them with poison!” I believe we can take custody of your kids away AND beat you.
We love our children and we give them vaccinations BECAUSE we love them. No illnesses should harm our kids. We do not believe in voodoo shit saving our kids from weird viruses.
Look, incense does not ward off viruses, weed helps in pain relief and some other stuff, but not in cases we have vaccines against.
They finally got an ebola vaccination.
If ebola was around you, would you refuse that vaccination too because it is poison?

One final thing about that. (And I know I piss off a lot of people with this, including friends of mine) If ANYONE tries to tell you ebola and aids are lies and they are only sideffects of vaccinations – lunacy. If someone says that ebola and HIV are developed viruses from some (US)lab – plausible.
Stupid and paranoid, but at least plausible.

No. Stop resisting, and show that you love your kids, and get them vaccinated against all the diseases that might end their lives or cause them misery (measels, rota, mumps, small pocks, and so fracking on).

Conclusions:
No more organic farms for me.
No organic lies for me.
No hippies around me.
Take care, peace!
A.