Posts tagged ‘printer’

Customer service

my balls.
I know I am not the first, nor the last, to complain about this, but the recently received email angered me.

“Please rate”, your transaction, your business partner, your product,  our service, your business partner’s service, etc.
What are you? An insecure idiot that wants constant approval? “Was it good for you?” What if I say no?

How is this customer friendly? You’re feeding me with unsaturated hatred! I rarely, if ever, read any user reviews on products onamazonline, because 99% of them are either written when angry (probably due to end-user-failure, hint: replace user and retry!) or when so high that Keith Richards seems like an anti drug activist. The last 1% is on books.
I never read any reviews of business partners, because WHO CARES?, I need that shit, and I need it asap, not in 3 weeks when the other seller is restocked. So I order it from them. Period.

It’s this constant IN YOUR FACE politics of online retailers that make me understand pirating even more. (Money and time aspect aside)
Pirate bay isn’t going berserk in your face upon your second visit: “People who downloaded that disgusting crap you downloaded last week, also viewed this weird shit, and many downloaded that sick crap! Please don’t forget to rate and review your download! Please tell us how you felt about the people you downloaded from. How do you like our service?”

I wish I had a Canon.
No, not a product from that company, but one that makes rather large holes into people, buildings and landscapes. With my canon I would shoot at the idiots over at Canon.

Why the sudden homicidal outburst?

Imagine you have an important document to scan, and you have this fancy Scanner-Printer-Fax combo at home (or your office for that matter). Sorry, but unless you refill your INK you can’t SCAN shit!!!
If I find out who thought that, that would be a good idea, hide from my canon. And no, you can’t switch to scanning to skip that annoying little obstacle. Wish it was that easy…

BTW: a fax? Why not send it over on a dinosaur?

The idiot and the printer

In this little tale I am the idiot.

A few years back I wanted a new printer, but Mr. Fancypants couldn’t take an ordinary one. No, I wanted a laser printer!

Let me tell you my reasons: if you’re printing in large quantities it’s cheaper per page than ink. And if you are like me and you forget you have a printer until rediscovering it during spring cleaning a year later, you just fire that bitch up and print!

When an ink cartridge nighs it’s end, you get fading colors, and finally, death. When a toner cartridge nighs it’s end, you get fading colors, then you shake that son-of-a, put it back in, voila: five to ten more pages. Repeat from shaking.

Of course, there comes the day the shaking has no effect anymore. That is the day you realize that you are fucked!

My wife looked it up. 57€!
I ain’t got that. Or rather I could liquify that, but won’t!

Now the ink lovers will yell “Oha! We can refill our cartridges!!!” To which I say, yes, but it won’t last as long and once that shit dried up, you can’t refill squat!

In all honesty, if you are a private person like me, take both printers, and put them on a table. On thatsame table you put the fax machine and the video-cellphone from last week, and you set that table up in a gravel pit, now, leave.

Once at a safe distance, or better yet inside a shelter, detonate the explosives that you put in place of cartridges, paper and the battery of the video-cellphone.
That’s how you solve the printer question. And all other questions too. Seriosly folks, if you need to print something, print it at work, or go to a copyshop. And for frak’s sake, get photos developed, not printed!