Posts tagged ‘Samsung’

The wonders and mysteries

of the Samsung Battery.

I’m a Samsung user.
I love my Samsung Smartphone(s) and Tablet, as much as you can love an inanimte object. I write on them (with exceptions) and couldn’t imagine modern life without them.

My first and second smartphones were both from LG, and I hold them near and dear to my heart, they were really good smartphones. Small, reliable (until the mic started failing on the newer one) and usable.
But not as good as Samsung!

I got a second hand Galaxy S2, and I couldn’t be happier.

But that was the first time I got in touch with a Samsung Battery. You charge it, it shows 72%, you unplug it because of reasons, go to take a dump for example, you take a look at the display and without being connected the battery charged another 5%!
What the actual Frak???
My Tablet Battery is the same baffling mystery in a bigger device. 100% goes to 65% in five minutes, you turn off the screen for three minutes turn it back on and you’re suddenly at 82%!

Samsung Batteries seem to be either ghost (dis)charging or simply broken.

I had a replacement battery for the S2, and that never showed any of these weird symptoms. Because it was thirdparty technology perhaps. But no matter how hard these batteries hit me in the balls, I take solace that in the fact that at least I’m not using apple. 😉

A.

New Tech Rage

So I upgraded to a newer and better (and bigger) Samsung Smartphone.

First glance, I’m loving it!

Second glance, still loving it, but I’m working hard to get all the standard shit out of the system. You know, pre installed ring and notification tones, data mining garbage and so on.

On the third glance, I’m asking myself what kind of deranged lunatic designed the new operating system. (Android 4.4.2)

You see, I’m a writer, so on my tablet I write my stories and other material. (Used to do that on my phone before I got the tablet.)
On my cell, I keep my log (diary if you will). And sometimes I write my stuff on my cell.
In either case, I press SAVE choose the external SDCard, choose the directory, give it a file name and done.
When already saved once, just save after opening it.
I couldn’t find my folders when I had hit save. Not even the infamous “extSDcard”.

Immediately one thought sprang to mind: Bug!

Saved it to “0”, had to copy it over to the SDCard, in the directory where it belonged, opened it, wrote a few lines, saved, aaaand
NOPE!

New Android security policies prevent Apps from writing to the SD Card!

“IT AIN’T A BUG, IT’S A FEATURE!”

When Microsoft said this, everyone shat their pants. When Android/Google says it, it’s accepted?

I was a little jealous when my wife’s tablet was updated to 4.4.2, and mine wasn’t, but now, I’m fracking glad!

Look here you numbskulls: I write in the App, save directly to my “extSdCard”, in case the device has an inconvenient mishap with a turbo drill, I just take out the SD card and put it in a new device.
Here, a small flow chart-ish display of what’s wrong:

Correct: App->Writing->Save to SD Card
Wrong: App->Writing->Save to 0->Copy to SD Card

I can’t save a file already in existence on the SD, so for any updates, I have to open the file, save it to “0” again, copy it to the SD again and replace the original. (or have file names like “FrackYouTwatfaces-1” and counting upwards…)

Now, I have to go and find a hack, a work around, SOME FRACKING WAY to save shit directly to SD!

So, what kind of nonthinking mouthbreather did this???
Give me a patch, an update, a crack, a hack – SOMETHING!

Whoever you are, I hope you live at leat to be 100 years old, while constantly bleeding from both eyes!

A.

Jumping from Space

(please note: most of this stuff was written shortly after the SpaceJump…btw: any productnames that AREN’T real by this day, I hereby claim intellectual ownership of the name!)

Since Felix Baumgartner’s spacejump I concluded, Apple should jump the trend of corporate space exploration.

Since RedBull has a better space program than NASA or ESA – at least people wise – I’m convinced with all the money Apple has, it could come up with even greater stuff for future generations, and the Hipsters can say “I liked space before it was cool!” (to which all the trekkies out there will reply with the Vulcan hand greeting “No, WE liked space before it was cool”).

But seriously.

If apple went to space they could have all kinds of cool Apple branded shit floating around. Their spacestation (for wealthy tourists) could be called iSpace or iOrbit, and communication with earth is done via iTalk.

Their version of a shuttle will be the iFly.

They even could take over SETI and smuggle it in the background of iTunes, the feature cannot be turned off and will be called iAlien. It sorts through the space signals, much like Seti, but the user will never know whether his computer helped in finding shit. The iAlien will also be included in all Apple products that have an internet connection: iPod, iPad, iPhone.

But I digress.

The toilet aboard iSpace will be designated iCrap, right before you go on a space walk in the apple branded and designed spacesuit iWalk.

You can also reach the new mothership via a space elevator called the “iLift”.

BUT!

This is only the first station along the way to deeper space. Commercial lunar colony “iMoon” will be the next step along the way to “iMars”. Air supply in all of these stations will be called “iBreathe”, and in the greenhouses of the stations on Moon and Mars they have iTrees, that grow iFood!

First Apple has to sponsor another crazy man jumping from the edge of space and call the event “iBasejump”.

Where and when was it conceived that Corporations should go into space? Especially corporations that would take REAL exploration and commercialize it?

RedBull would have cameras EVERYWHERE, and life broadcast every thing that happens on the RedBull spacestation via their own TV channels. Apple would call everything “i-“, as showed above. “Hey we found an unusual rock in the plains of mars, we call it the iRock”. Their logo feces would be smeared EVERYWHERE.

If this continues, soon we’ll have a commercial spacestation called “iSpace” orbiting earth in the shape of bitten apple, waking the unnerving feeling of a deathstar pointed at earth in some of us.

Why do the US cut NASA’s budget into little bits and spends a multitude of that money on fucking airconditioning in the fucking desert?

Just the airconditioning! Not war assets or something, just the fucking airconditioning! You know, if it’s too hot – DON’T GO THERE! Drop your bombs and sod off.

No we leave space exploration to corporations.

You can map out where these corporations will settle on mars already! Some Linux/Unix corporation will camp inside Olympusmons, not only might some still present geothermal heat provide power for them, but the mountain shields them from radiation – which will come down to Mars’ surface since there ain’t a Magnetosphere – plus, they will not have to build any Windows …

Hard competition at Olympus Mons with fucking apple who would rename the mountain for the “iMars” station into “iVolcano”…

Redbull would stage races in the asteroidbelt together with NASCAR, just for shits and giggles.

Operating from their Martian Orbital jumping station.

I can totally see RedBull hogging shit from the Red Planet in heart beat. Just as I can see Apple smearing its Brand logo in the rusty red martian sand.

Now the only corporation hellbent on settling on Venus – a planet so inhospitable we named it after the goddess of love – will be Microsoft.

Why?

Because they love harsh conditions.

Windows IS a harsh condition!

The first three attempts to land a probe will end in the thing freezing up, the fourth and fifth will veer off course the sixth, seventh and eighth will burn up and/or crash the ninth, as they are settling for just a lunar colony, will be a triumphant success. Everything will go on just like that.

Meanwhile NASA and ESA will announce that they have discovered a new fuel and promptly get sued by apple because the molecular structure of that fuel looks like an iPad.

Samsung and Google wont bother with the Inner Solarsystem and go right for a cutting edge base on planetoid Pluto.

Just watch out for the Apple Mothership in the shape of a bitten-off Apple, because our fears were correct – it IS a deathstar…