Posts tagged ‘selfie’

Life ain’t that hard: “Tell me I’m pretty!”

“Tell me I’m pretty” – You ugly ass skanks should crawl back under the boulders you came out from.

I already have talked about generation memeME here.

Self absorbed asshats who couldn’t take a picture of a sunset if they had three-thousand cameras set up for them, all pointing at the Horizon. Unless they were in the foreground and the main focus of their own picture.

Why the return to a topic that I haven’t changed my opinion on?

SELFIE-STICKS!!

Now there is a stick, with which you can put more distance between yourself and the camera, while still showing that it was YOU who took the picture.
That you are an imbecile with a tool now!
A tool with which you can be beaten.
And should be.

As always in my LATH posts, I have a solution to the problem:

Step 1, take the stick, mount your camera/cellphone/tablet/whatever and turn it ON. Choose a setting with which you can take a hundred pictures in a row.
Step 2, hold the stick firmly in both your hands, and start bashing the camera/etc. against your face. DO NOT STOP! Even if you are bleeding heavily, you only stop once you’ve fallen unconscious.
Step 3, after being released from the hospital, go home to your blood smeared stick and cam, charge it, clean it, and
Step 4, insert the stick, camera/etc. first into your anal cavity.
Go in there.
Deep.
Step 5, retrieve camera/etc. and stick, and repeat Step 2.
Step 6, you’ll wake up in a hospital. Again. You will have a nasty infection and are probably restrained. This is where you must lie now. Reflect on your life. On all the bad decisions that led you to that point. And I’m not talking about the bashing, as those were my instructions.
No.
When did what go so hofibly wrong in your life, that it led you to take dozens, sometimes hundreds of pictures of yourself PER DAY?
There are people getting hurt, injured and some even die, taking selfies.

What is next? After the Selfiestick, I mean? We’re done with the therapy now, let’s get back to the stick.
Will they make a stick that you mount your cellphone on that you can wear like a GoPro, then you hang on a rockwall and yell “Ok Google, snap picture!” and you let go of the rock to make a great picture. It is automaticall uploaded to your facebook, your vain and shallow “friends” like the shit and congratulate you.
Only to be informed by your family that hikers found your mangled dead corpse at the base of that mountain three weeks after you snapped that picture.
“Great job, Tymmi!” I just hope that in that case your selfie will be used in the obituary.

Take care and rest in pieces,
A.

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Sex ed

I had to cross paths of a school recently, and a bunch of teenage girls entered the tram as I left it, and I happened to see how they looked like…

When I was a wee 14 year old boy, you know what we had? Wee 14 year old girls!
What do wee 14 year old boys have now? WHORES! Seriously, these girls dress in ways that put professional workers to shame, faces covered in more makeup than a tranny parade!
One question: Where were these girls when I was fourteen?

But this brings me to my next topic, two (relatively attractive) female teachers (33 & 23) allegdy had a threesome with their 16 year old male student.

Another question: Where were they when I was 16?

Seriously, I doubt he’s scarred for life, a threesome with two women is EVERYTHING a 16 year old heterosexual guy dreams about!
Is it wrong to abuse the teacher-student relationship this way? Yes.
Should they be banned from classrooms? Definitely.
But other than that? Let it go.
(However, if you consider this seriously wrong, ask yourself this: Are there any things out there that could provoke such behaviour? Think long and hard. And come to this conclusion. Why the double standard? I highly doubt that a 16 yo girl dreams of having sex with two men, one being twice her age. Some, maybe, most, nope. 16 yo boys? Yup. They do. Trust me, I once was a 16 yo boy. They do. There is close to no distinction for a 16 yo teen boy between a 16 yo girl and a 33 yo woman: “Tits? Check. Pussy? Check. Hot? Check. Let’s go!” There is no ticking box for age. Period.)

But this topic of the “horribly mentally scarred teen” brings me to a story I read some years ago in the DailyMail (yeah, I know). Back then one 16 year old guy was suing (and his formerly best friend being a witness) a then 47 year old woman, because when he and his mate were somewhere between 11 and 13 (I forgot), she offered them sex for demolating her exBF’s car.
They did so, and when it came time to pay, she had sex with them (seperately), but the first guy (the one suing) had a change of conscience.
WHILE ALREADY INSIDE HER, mind you!
He didn’t pull it through, and left before finishing (as if that would be lifting him from the guilt), just as his mate went in and proceeded to frak her.
Now he is allegedly horribly emotionally scarred.
Really? That is the tipping point?
Here’s the deal kiddo, review your life. All of it up to the point where a woman in her early fourties approaches you and says “Lay havoc on my ex Boyfriends car, and I’ll let you frak me”.
For ANY woman of ANY age to actively approach you with such a proposal, you have to have had a reputation. THAT is what’s wrong with you, everything you did up to that point in time. Not the incident with her riding you, but everything that led you there.

Speaking of wrong decisions, there is the “Bee Challenge” going on right now:
Women/Girls get naked (bewbs wise), put the bra over their face to have “insect eyes” and post a topless-bra-face-selfie on the net. It is a pointless trend, there is no deeper meaning behind it, like with the Icebucket challenge. I’m as much of a bewbs fan just as most hetero sexual men are, but this is getting crazy. If it would be for a noble cause (Breastcancer for example), I’d shut up. But it isn’t.

The obvious boner killing insect eye look aside, a bunch of attention-whores are fishing for even more attention and recognition by prostating themselves.
Why? Don’t you have ANY personality? Is this ALL you have to offer? What a bonerkill.

Once those facebook based (and thus traceable), public topless-insecteye-bra-face-selfies are published, what kind of backlash will that have on your carreer choices later in life? Other than a trip or two to the casting couch – I see little opportunity here.

But I sense another opportunity for solving our current time’s prolems: Nominate all these young actresses who are under the threat of having their pictures stolen for the Bee-Challenge, that way we have seen their “BOOBEES!” and everyone can live in peace!

In conclusion, there is something going wrong in terms of sexuality within our societies. On the one hand our prude cultures ban breasts and genitals from TV, references to acts of sexuality from songs (“No I’m lying in the [wet patch] and…” the one in the additional brackets is censored out), but on the other hand women in advertising are as scantly dressed like 14 year old girls, or, worse than street working prostitutes.

We need to come to our senses.
Sex is natural, interest in the opposite gender is natural, especially for puberty striken teens. Banning sex from TV, and restricting access to porn for minors isn’t the solution (“You must be 18 or over…” they already saw EVERYTHING, they touched it too! So drop that attitude!).

Sex ed has to be taken seriously, not something shunned as “teaching kids to have sex”. They know how to, it’s in our genes.
We need to teach them how to do it without harm, with decency, and not in public (need I remind you of the couple happily doing it in the subway and being filmed by several cellphone cameras?). Sex is not something you do on camera (unless you ARE 18 or older and you ARE filming a porno), and it is something you keep your mouth shut about.
Not to keep your teachers from getting in trouble, but for not making someone seem like a tramp/whore or whimp.
Girls, dress like girls, not whores. “XYZ’s next Top Model” is not supposed to be your rolemodel. Nor are any of the whores on TV. If you are 14, be a kid. Not a sex object. Guys are idiots to you more often than not, and if you really are in a consensual sexual relationship with one of them, talk to THEM, not your girls, not your parents.
Boys, girls are not objects, women aren’t either.  Treat them with respect, and don’t blabber about your sexual “conquests”. Act like boys, you are, after all, boys. The douche’s on TV aren’t your rolemodels, and you should become gentlemen, not douchebags. But first, be boys.

Decent, civilised, behaviour. Especially with one another.
Now.
Go forth and be happy.

A.

Life ain’t that hard: Selfie-sh

This selfie craze is getting out of hand.

I know that you younger folks have a disconnected feeling of self, and thus are, oddly enough, self obsessed. But walking down a street, like I witnessed with mine own eyes (!), making faces like spastic attacks, while having one arm extended with the cellphone/camera isn’t helping your selfrecognition.
It’s helping you find the fastest way to the nearest doctor. And I ain’t talking “Doctor Who” here. Long story short:

Stop taking Selfies!

You want nice pictures of yourselves? Here’s a short simple guide:
1. Take people with you!
2. Go to nice (/exotic/weird/”cool”/alloftheabove) locations
3. Take pictures of one another!
4. Don’t pose, don’t act. Just be.
5. Minimalistic brush up. (Close to no photoshop)
6. If you must, ask either a stranger, or use the timer and a stand to take a selfie, no holding of the camera/cellphone or use of mirror/trans-dimensional-portal.

Take this as advice from someone who managed to evade pictures/photos/cameras from ages 14-20…