Posts tagged ‘shite’

Crappy Birthday in August 2017

Got that detestable garbage human Hipster scum in your circle of acquaintances?

Their birthday is coming up?

PERFECT!

These revolting socks are the perfect gift, for a perfect asshole. They will surely like it, because it is before they are cool, because they’ll never be cool. And these socks a shining (or screamingly loud) warning beacon. 

Warn others. Gift these socks.

Crappy Birthday.
A.

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Juice Bar.

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Happy Hangov…gnn…you….you know what, frak you!
Whoever came up with the mixture of Apple, Beetroot, Lime (another fraking Citrus, that waste of fructose, time and sunshine should be wiped off the planet together with that nauseating, headache inducing citrus stench. Taters and Apples have more Vitamins, so, NO!) and Basil should be forced to drink this, every day of the week, until kingdom come, no deviation, nothing else.
Just the Happy Hangover drink.

For the love of all that is just and true, who is this catering to?
Alcoholics?
Here’s a tip you marketing twats, alcoholics don’t get hangovers, why? Hangovers only happen to people who are foolish enough to stop drinking.

Want a happy hangover?
Mix yourself a Bloody Mary.
Or pour some Vodka into this abominable waste of fructose and dihydrogenmonoxide.
Jesus fraking Christ!

Most redundant thing in the history of beverages, even worse than the Applestrudel drink…frak…

Crappy Birthday in August

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If you are an adult, or old enough to conduct business, and you find yourself willing to spend almost 300 bucks on a piece of log – don’t. Find yourself some friends who will beat you with rolls of fifties, in case you’re ever tempted again.

Seriously.
A piece of a log! The audacity of these people!
Other than cutting it into pieces, stripping it of its bark and putting some finish on it – there was no work involved. It didn’t go through the hands of a skilled craftsman, a master of his class, who laboured away for countless days and weeks, until a masterpiece was created, warranting the price.
No.
The acacia grew all by itself, just to end up as a stool, that isn’t even outdoor useable.

Think about this again with me:
299.99 euro for a more or less untreated piece of lumber, the most natural resource you can get. And you can’t put it into outdoor use! A piece of a friggin tree!
How much more outdoor can you get? But the finished product – nope!

Twenty years ago, 1995, if someone would’ve had the audacity of trying to sell pieces of lumber like that, for prieces like this – we would’ve beaten him to death with the piece of lumber…

Anyway. This is my birthmonth, this is my gift.
Crappy Birthday, people! 😉