Posts tagged ‘Shoes’

Crappy Birthday in July


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“Wear me, I’m a bear!”
This golden plushed, glamorous-flamboyant, surely malignant, loud abomination, is the newest footwear from the good folks at Adidas. And for a laughable prize of 89.99-110 Euros it can be yours.

If you know someone who needs to express their extravaganza in the most “glamboyant” way, so loud that Ray Charles and Elton John both are screaming in agony for that person to take their shoes off, then this little piece of plush and cloth with rubber sole is for you.
Yes. It is for men. Grown men, not little boys, not girls.
MEN.
The kind of men whose taste is so askew that it makes others believe a group of aliens has crashlanded and spawned that fella…

So if you need to give someone shoes, that will surely get them killed, and others around him infected with eye tumours – here. You’re welcome. Just watch for the smoke once shoes and wearer are set ablaze, plastic is unhealthy when burned…

Crappy Birthday!
A.

PS: Wanna get aay with murder? Strap these shoes on your victim, and ANYTHING that happened to the body will be considered suicide…

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Don’t eat shoes!

I have had enough!
SIMPLY and plainly ENOUGH!

If you are a Vegan and you keep quiet about it – good for you. You have my blessing.
If you are a Vegan and you keep soving it in everybody’s face – I wan’t to beat you with a hammer. You are just as annoying as these religous nuts who can’t shut up about god.
Hammertime!

No matter what kind of Vegan you are, there are a few Bullshit lines you can cross.
1. Bullshit line: Meat supplement. If you made the CONSCIOUS choice of eating only vegetables, an othing that was produced from animal (labour), there simply isn’t any meat. No burgers, no sausages, no nothing.
So if you are longing for a burger, you have to make the conscious choice to deny yourself the burger, and not fake it with a Tofu Burger. That is “I want to, but I can’t” and you need to stop. Either your will is strong enough to pull it through, or it isn’t. IF it isn’t, kill you conscience and pig out.
2. Bullshit line: If you are offended by the fact that Vegan Restaurants aren’t allowed to educate official cook apprentices. It’s simple, a cook apprentice needs to be ABLE to cook meat. It’s that simple. Therefore a Vegan restaurant can’t legally have an apprentice. Period. (Don’t get me started on “But Muslim/Jewish Cooks/Butchers don’t have to touch pork”. That’s different. Sort of, if you ask me, they should be forced to. YOU DON’T HAVE TO EAT THE PORK FRAKKERS! Just prepare my bacon, asshole!)
3. Bullshit line: This is the one that got me to write this post. DON’T EAT SHOES!
My wife stumbled upon an advert from Espirt: “Vegan Shoes” … I can’t even…what? YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO EAT THEM! What about Croq’s? They’re plastic, and therefore, VEGAN! Wanna know how oil (the base for plastic) came to be? Plankton, saturated with water, became entrapped and over time and pressure became oil. Plankton = plants! So – VEGAN! Still, don’t eat shoes. It doesn’t matter whether they have the “PETA-Vegan approved” sign or not. DO NOT EAT SHOES!

So, again, if you’re a Vegan – good for you. Stay strong and eat your produce. Steer clear of meat, and animal products, don’t fake out with tofu burgers and stuff, and DON’T EAT SHOES!

Take care,
A.