Posts tagged ‘shower’

Tales from the renovation part 2

After the walls had been drenched, and the floor had been soaked, the furst step had been to dry them.
Slashing the walls, drilling holes into the floor.

I wish they’d let me do the slashing and the drilling. You know, get some of that pent up anger out.

So, insurance pays new paint, new floorboards.

Renovation time, baby!

Since getting that part of the den painted and refurbished seemed like as good a time as any to actually re ew the furniture too, so you can store more crap, we decided to actually do that.

Furniture store.
This, I had to find out, might actually be that first stage of prehell horror and torment that religitards always rave on about.
“Here look at this beautiful furniture you can’t possibly afford!” Or “Look at this totally stylish, up to date, modern way of making a room … SEEM LIKE IT WAS DIGEST, SHAT OUT JUST TO BE HAMMERED IN SHAPE BY A LUNATIC WITH A RUBBER HAMMER …in your price category.”

And then of course, our little odyssey.

We went, we saw and we STILL are fighting. No vici this time. Not yet.

On the 14th we went to the furniture store and fell in love with these small closets.
We ordered them, together with a really neat wardrobe.
On the 26th we got a call that one of the closets we order, wasn’t available any more.

???

How, HOW on earth can we *buy* something that they do not have anymore? Or let me rephrase that, HOW can they SELL anything that they do not have???
I could understand if they couldn’t get that, and told us about the unavailability when we wanted to make the purchase. But twelve days LATER???

No worries though, they organised a showroom piece for us, at the great discount of 10 bucks.
It is in (paraphrasing) “best condition”.

So we went to pick up the packaged up pieces – which this furniture store couldn’t at all tell us how big they’d be, a feat that IKEA even puts on their website – luckily we could fit them in our car, them we went to pick up the prime condition showroom piece.

At first the showroom employee thought they had reserved the one with the kicked in door, and then it turned out the one we ACTUALLY had reserved was also damaged.
No purchase.
Keep that thing, and …. why on earth did they put a damaged showroom piece of a no-longer available closet BACK in the showroom?
Are they going to scam a few people out their money???

Anyway. As we try to rectify thst situation we got the walls finally painted and the floor renewed.
After they tore out the floor boards the PVC floor the forst tenants of this apartment had installed came back to the light of day.
The most 80s, vulgar, neon, trash design I have ever laid eyes upon. Just knowing that this is oit there underneath the new fkoorboards causes me to sweat in panic.
The most irritating fact is that someone WILLINGLY chose this. If I get up, on a daily basis, see this, I’d have to take cocaine. Upon coming home, again, cocaine!
But hey, it was the 80s.

Until a possible part 3, take care,
A.

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Tales from the renovation part 1

In case I had neglected to blog about this*, here the backstory to the renovation:

In December 2016, on the 18th to be exact, a waterpipe broke, and we had to call a plumber, who then arrived shortly on the 19th. Hey, it was a Sunday.
He mended the broken pipe, but said that due to the wet wall, he couldn’t reattach the bathroom tile, until the wall was dry, he then also neglected to reinstall the faucet behind which the waterpipe had burst.
In case you were wondering, yes, it was the shower faucet.
For the next two weeks we had to ride the elevator downstairs, trek through the basement, access the common showers in the sauna.
At least our apartment building HAS a sauna with showers! Otherwise, we would’ve been screwed!

On the 23rd I noticed that the wall on the other side of the bathroom looked wet.
It was.
Soon we found dark spots that looked like mold.
It was.
Thankfully we got help soon, in small spart from the landlord (whose insurance pays for the whole ordeal anyway). Mold killed by 30%H2O2, and the noisiest machines I had ever had the honor to see inside and apartment got put up.

We had to do it little house on the prairie style, and bunk up in the living room, because the blow dryer was innthe bedroom, hoses were lying around as if they wanted to fuel the fucking space shuttle!
Two drying machines facing the walls (and the heaters with heat sensitive meters on it for payment!) rumbled on through night and day.

No wolverines were harmed in the drying of these walls.

Then the garish nightmare machines got evicted, one by one, as the walls grew drier and drier again.
At that point we had the luxury of our own shower back. That had taken some fourteen days. The driers, those had been a constant noise in our apartment after that, and for some six weeks in total.

So we began our ascend back to civilisation of the 21st century, by trading the mattresses on the floor for our bed, and trading a living+bed-room for separated rooms.
Woohoo!

Continued in part 2.

*Yes, it is my blog, and still I am too lazy to check, plus, I just don’t give a shit. I’m human, deal with it.

Life ain’t that hard, hygiene

It was a joke, okay?
It was meant as a joke, for frak’s sake!

But then again….what’s with the body odor in the subway at 6am? And the mold colored teeth?
Ah, frak it.
Here we go again, it’s really simple:

•Teeth, brush ’em. There’s an extra device for it, called a toothbrush, put toothpaste on it, and scrub the little frakers thoroughly, at least once a day, or better yet, twice. Or three times!

Like George Carlin said, there are 4 key areas:
Armpits, Asshole, Crotch and Teeth. We already did the teeth, so we’ll substitute Teeth with Feet.

•Armpits, Asshole, Crotch and Feet – these four areas need a good washing at least on a daily basis to avoid any of the pesky stink we’re so often confronted with.

•The rest. This is not a free ticket to neglect the rest of your body. I wash it daily, but one should at least every other day.

•Hair. If it is shorter than shoulder length, every other day. Longer than that, every three to four days. If it reaches your ass – cut it.

•Shaving, my dear fellow men, is a necessity unless you want to look like a Hobo. That stubby three day beard of yours looks like crap smeared onto a plucked goose carcass. Ergo: SHAVE!

•Depending on your personal preferences,  shave your body parts as you please.

Now that you’re washed and kempt, get some clean clothes and…no. I already did that…go away…

As usual, take care, and don’t forget, for cases the next shower is a little bit away, there’s a thing called “Deodorant”.
A.

PS: If you’re sitting there wondering what to wash yourself with, it is called soap. Or showergel. You can take a bubble bath, or regular bath. Just cleanse yourselves.

24. Dec. 2014

Merry Christm – WHAT THE FRAK?!?!?!?!?!

WTFThis bronce made showerhead, coated in gold, has a 27 crystal whirl chambers built into it, for the prize of a mere 9,970.00 EUro. Alternatively, diamond chambers, it costs merely 12,500.00 euro!

Water, according to this website, loves to move, in whirls and spirals. This should bring YOU more energy.
Quote from the website (translated): “In the center of a spiral speeds go theoretically towards infinity.” Holy shit! We reach Warp 10 in the center of a spiral? Does that mean the water is EVERYWHERE in the universe at once? Are we all going to drown in this Warp10 Water as soon as some “too rich for his own good” schmuck turns this crap on?
Let’s return to reality for a moment.
NOTHING can go faster than light, or even approach it. If you brought water to those speeds, it would instantly vaproise into oblivion. If it wouldn’t the water shooting out of this showerhead would tear holes through you, the shower, the planet and your energy levels would reach absolute zero asap.

“The widening of the molecular structure, enables an electron exchange…” so after you’re perforated, you’re getting zapped by an electrical surge.

“More oxygen in shower cabin” – the electrical charge will ignite the oxygen.

“No use of Iron, or Iron metals: As known from the literature, iron prohibits magic y the portal creates magic room and works magic …” they didn’t know how to end that paragraph, perhaps because the magic room is expanding?

“…,more and more room is being created anew!” now also REAL space is constantly expanding? Despite the fact that every second space all aropund you, inside you, is constantly expanding, therefore space (and thus room) is ALWAYS expanding, created in this very moment! Whether this thing is on, or not.

“Spirals are created in each second anew because of pressure and geometry, and helps you find into the present.” If you are THIS displaced from the space-time-continuum that you need a bronce showerhead with crystals in it to return you, you need help. More than a showerhead in the face could provide…

If you have people in your life that are displaced in time (Call the Doctor? No. He can’t help.), in desperate need of being electrocuted (electron exchange), set on fire (extra oxygen + electricity = fire), perforated by water at infinite speeds while drowning in an ever expanding room – invest your cash in this shower head.
In case it doesn’t work as advertised – you can use the shower head as a blunt weapon.

T minus 3

RAINBOWS!!!Rainbow faucet/showerhead.

Keeping with the hippy and shroom tradition, this will blow you into a new layer of consciousness! The LED rainbow showerhead! If you are bored by the dull, ever constant way the water trickles down to your body – here’s a solution for all you kids who were conceived by hippies, and who got used to LSD while in the womb and through breastmilk!

Honestly people, if you spend so much time in the shower you need soothing colors to take your mind to a new dimension – you have more pressing concerns to occupy your mind with….like paying the water bills! You’d have to work three jobs, AND prostitute yourself to maintain your shower bills, and you need more shower time to wash off that dirty feeling.
A viscous circle.

The ideal gift for your beloved Ex, make her feel the beautiful pain of rainbows…