Posts tagged ‘smell’

An open letter

An open letter to the wasp that was just buzzing around my laundry rack, ready to fuck shit up.

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Prohibited

My city’s public transportation has issued a prohibition on food in the subway, after a series of complaints about the smell.

There are two things about this that piss me off.
1. That this rule has to be made. Not so long ago it had been common courtesy not to eat (smelly) foods in the subway (trams or busses). Now it needs to be enforced. But hey, it had also been courtesy once to let people get out of the car before going in, soooo…
2. People are reacting as if the public transportation company forbade them to eat PERIOD. There are people and outlets acting as if now commuters would have to starve to death! If your daily intake of calories depends on your commute, you’re in more serious trouble then a prohibition on food in the subway.
Now. Stuff that food away, clear the doors, enter, go.

Take care,

A.

Crappy Birthday in July

​24.99€ each and this can be YOURS!
I tried all three, albeit somewhat involuntarily at first.

Jedi and Empire are essentially the same smell, although Jedi is far less intense.

Imagine a sweet smell as if something was rotting, only far less unpleasant. Add some musky and bitter tones, and you have these two.
As for the only “female” stenchsmell in this menage a catastrophé, this is a smell that is (both descriptively and figuratively), as if cottoncandy and burned almonds, are wrapped around some stiff sausage that is already spoiled and smelling, but not yet rotten, before your nostrils are brutally, but lovingly, violated with it.

In all honesty, if ArmadilloAmidala really stank like this perfume, Anakin would’ve turned darkside in Episode 1, Luke and Leia would’ve never been conceived because Anakin would have murdered the shit out of everyone, especially Amidala.

So this is the perfect gift for Star Wars Geeks and Nerdettes to piss them off (and out of your life and future gift obligations), as well as for people who dislike, or outright hate, Star Wars, giving them another reason to hate the saga. This obnoxious stench.

Crappy Birthday, take care,
A.

PS: There is Jedi and Empire for men, but only Amidala for women. Why?

Spring Time

There is this weird transitory phase between winter and spring, when everything is in full on, hardcore, pollen spraying mode.
You walk along outside (breathing through a tube in your neck as you’d suffocate otherwise), and make this odd observation:

Some trees/shrubberies look like a fuzzy colorful version of themselves, covered in nothing but blossoms. No foliage, just petals, spewing forth an invisible cloud of sweet aromatic death (aka pollen), err…I mean sending out a cloud of sweet fragrances of spring and love and life.
Anyhow.
So there’s the colorful fuzzy shrubs on one hand, and you let your (teary, burning, itching) gaze wander on to the next tree or shrub, and that bitch hasn’t done shit.
It is still in winter mode. No blossoms, no leaves, not even buds. Nothing!

And you’re standing there (internally aggravated that this ‘barely breathing, running eyes of fire’ time will be prolonged by this huge difference in blooming activities) confused that you can see THE definition of spring and a definitive picture of winter (bare branches and twigs) side by side.

I know why this is happening, I understand this shit. Resource allocation, making use of pollinators and so on, but for fraks sake, this is confusing my mind. I stand there, enjoying the warm sunshine, my asthmatic breathing is a sure sign that summer is coming, I enjoy this to a certain degree seeing the death cloud producing shrubs and trees, and all of a sudden I see a plant that makes me feel as of winter was coming.
Frak you late bloomer!
Frak you for making me feel like winter is coming now, and frak you later when your late blooming shit is taking my ability to breathe away.

Spring fraking sucks….
Take care,
A.

T minus 2

Smell it!Perfume “Smart Phone

Did you always want to stinksmell like a cellphone? OR to be more specific, a smart phone?
Yes?

Then turn over you smart phone, because dumb people don’t deserve smart phones! What should this smell imply? “Uee me baby, swipe  me, swipe me harder, shake it, oh yes, use the oral featurette…”
The smell of a smart phone for the stinky people without personality. This goes perfect for any “I’ve been smelling like my iPhone before it was cool!”-Hipster idiot. Pretentious, hipster, crap.

People who identify themselves with the phone they own, and the according smell, should be heavily investigated by the NSA, they look like dangers to our species/culture/society…give this to your annoying hipster cousin, in the hopes that this will aggressively attack his/her phone’s casing. (Seriously, iPhone 5c – a smart phone wearing crocks??)

Tuesday 15. Oct .2013

In silence, peeking between two shallow clouds like pale veils in the sky, the marbled white marble spies through the intricately woven canvas of darkened, green and yellow leaf work. Down upon a world turning away beneath it, towards an uncertain future.

Crisp eve’s air tells of winters fast approach with bouquets fallen apart, releasing faint remains of individual scents into the crystal clear night.

Soon, all too soon, coated in fine, thin white, the blades, petals, leaves and fruit and seeds will be as crisp as the air itself. Dying, dead and forgotten, but also nursing and nourishing the spring…

James Bond

Not the character but the.perfume.

I’m wearing it.

It’s not my favorite smell, but it ain’t bad either. What I like best about it isn’t the Bond association (’twas a gift) but its honesty.
It doesn’t try to hide the fact that it’s an industrial perfume. Conjured up by a think tank to serve the masses, and serve it does. It is a methodical smell. Some bloke in a board meeting said “We need a smell for James Bond” and some other blokes went to work. They mixed and tested several smells and one made it.

There wasn’t a master of smells at work who has devoted all his life and magnificence to making perfumes involved. Methodical making, methodical smell.

Unlike some of the other smells out there. The celebrity smells.
They try to mask the fact that they were made the same way I’m describing here. Some chick said she wants a smell named after her, and they went to work.
But there was no effort of soul in it! Not for a single moment is anyone tempted to think that the celebrity in questions smells like that, and only feeble minded pricks would actually believe they sat down for ages and tested out the mixture until it sat right. They got a choice of already made smells. “Pick one and give it your name.”

Yet these smells try to cover their tracks, and attempt (weakly at that) with playful notes to hide their industrial origin.

So all in all, James Bond is honest, as it smells methodical, industrial and like a secret agent. 😉

Note: honesty in a perfume is only to be used losely. A perfume covers your “natural” smell, so aperfume is ALWAYS dishonest, but still in certain smells there is honesty of sorts. People made the smell, and it was so good they decided to go forward, then they looked for a name for it and came up with one.
Only in instances like Celebrity smells and BRand Smells (like James Bond)  the process was the other way around. I’m dead certain of it. Or can you imagine someone mixing the smell in question, sniffing it, and then thinks “This is how James Bond would smell!”
Me neither…