Posts tagged ‘soup’

Crappy Birthday in June

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If your entire family has birthdays this month, then you’re in luck!

I present you, the unholy trinity of crap!

A plush toy for kids with no imagination, the DVD for people with no life, and the room spray for families with no taste.

Yes it’s a plush roast chicken, with detachable legs, on a velcro spot. A thing I wouldn’t have wanted to play with as a kid, as I couldn’t eat it. For the very same reason I hated plastic fruit. Playing make believe is one thing, creating roast chicken plushies is another.

Then the DVD, laundry machine impressions. It is exactly what you think it is.
Laundry machines, … washing laundry! If watching paint dry is too riveting, here’s the answer!

Finishing off this month with the Chicken Soup RoomSpray.
What can I say that hasn’t been said millions of times? Imagine entering the bog after your uncle Rob had a particularly nasty dump, and your nostrils are pleasantly surprised to find the odor of chicken soup lingering in the air! Makes rubbing one out that much more pleasant!
In addition, try imagining if this roomspray was advertised for like a Calvin Kline perfume. Two skinny mouthbreathing people who only speak in whispers: “Desire meets the tastebuds. Chicken and hunger. Passion and the soup. Chicken for nose, soulfood in the air.”
Crappy Birthday!

Drink your cancer!

I’m getting quite agitated at a commercial from Coca Cola here in the german language realm.

A dude gets a Coke bottle from his half naked girlfriend, who had previously put a regular coke label over the coke zero label. He drinks and she reveals her scheme! And then she transforms into a (german) soccerplayer, and they party at the locker room of the team after winning, and suddenly he’s back home, the dude is a scantly dressed gal again and lying on bed.

First off: If you can’t taste the difference between diabetes-sirup and the cancer-soup – you’re an idiot. Coke zero and coke light taste like shit. There’s a bitter aftertaste to both of them, coating the uvula like a CIA hitman strangles his victim with piano string, instantly giving me a gag reflex.
Secondly: why are people still lapping that shit up? Certain ingredients in it are known to cause cancer, and unlike other deadly substances it isn’t addictive! (Just to make your “Cigarettes cause cancer, people still smoke!” argument invalid. Plus: Did you see any cigarette advertisments in european TV adverts lately? Didn’t think so…)Thirdly: If my scantly dressed GF (or wife?) turns into an a dude before my eyes, and back again, I wouldn’t wanna touch her, ever again.

So all in all, I personally consider the advert a complete failure:
Idiot doesn’t taste the difference between Zero and regular. FAIL!
Cancer ingredients. FAIL!
Transmutating woman-man. FAIL!

But there is also good news concerning cancer-soup: Those who do consume it, are thin. And you can squeeze enough of them into an elevator to meet the criteria…and the makers of size zero clothes are happy too, finally they have customers.

Recently some Schmuck was all happy over the new Stevia Coke. Just to make it clear people, Stevia is the answer if you asked how to use birth control on men. It temporarily neuters men!
So your choices boil down to Diabetes-sirup, Cancer-soup and Newt-soda.
Shut up, and lap your shit up…