Posts tagged ‘spring’

Raw Water

The newest fad from the “wholesome”* crowd.
In short it is untreated water.
The chief lunatic behind this looks like he is in bed with the headspace idiot – both metaphorically and literally. How many people have died from dysentery and cholera from untreated “clean looking” water since the turn of the millennium alone (let’s ignore Oregon trail times)?
What baffles me is, how did we get from “We don’t want untreated water that the deer, bears and forest hermits piss and shit in” to this shit??
How did we get from “We want hospitals with nurses, doctors, clean sheets, vaccines and medicine” to “better chew on some rabbit droppings, drink turpentine and bleach, smear mud on the wound”???
This is your flock of black sheep, political left, these are your people. Reign them in, otherwise the political right wins.

It is cases like this I ask myself why I am burdened with a conscience. I could design neat jugs and sell virgin water – untreated spring water that big titted blond virgins bathed in before it was bottled. Improves your health, increases your attractiveness for women, and your sexual stamina for men.

I’d be rich.
Filthy rich.
Excuse me.
I have to draft a few things and apply for a loan…
Take care, A.
*bat shit crazy, without insulting bats, feces our people no longer in possession of their faculties
Advertisements

Nature…

This all happened around my home…makes me less feel like a big-city dweller, and more like living on the country side.

The nicer side of spring (a.k.a. the season of death)

 

Have a nice weekend!

Spring Time

There is this weird transitory phase between winter and spring, when everything is in full on, hardcore, pollen spraying mode.
You walk along outside (breathing through a tube in your neck as you’d suffocate otherwise), and make this odd observation:

Some trees/shrubberies look like a fuzzy colorful version of themselves, covered in nothing but blossoms. No foliage, just petals, spewing forth an invisible cloud of sweet aromatic death (aka pollen), err…I mean sending out a cloud of sweet fragrances of spring and love and life.
Anyhow.
So there’s the colorful fuzzy shrubs on one hand, and you let your (teary, burning, itching) gaze wander on to the next tree or shrub, and that bitch hasn’t done shit.
It is still in winter mode. No blossoms, no leaves, not even buds. Nothing!

And you’re standing there (internally aggravated that this ‘barely breathing, running eyes of fire’ time will be prolonged by this huge difference in blooming activities) confused that you can see THE definition of spring and a definitive picture of winter (bare branches and twigs) side by side.

I know why this is happening, I understand this shit. Resource allocation, making use of pollinators and so on, but for fraks sake, this is confusing my mind. I stand there, enjoying the warm sunshine, my asthmatic breathing is a sure sign that summer is coming, I enjoy this to a certain degree seeing the death cloud producing shrubs and trees, and all of a sudden I see a plant that makes me feel as of winter was coming.
Frak you late bloomer!
Frak you for making me feel like winter is coming now, and frak you later when your late blooming shit is taking my ability to breathe away.

Spring fraking sucks….
Take care,
A.

Irregular Update 12th November 2015

It’s mid november, and the temperatures are unusually warm here.

Like spring.
Late spring.

But that is not the reason for this post. It’s an update on stuff! With out further talk, here we go!

• Writing. I’m happy to inform you that my new project, which is essentially last year’s NaNoWriMo project, is looking good. It’s progressing, and taking shape. As with Rings of Fate (which will start to go online in January 2016), I have decided to write it in concise episode format (splitting each episode up into 3-4 parts when posting it), so three episodes are already finished.

Can’t wait for it to go online once it’s finished (we’re talking about late 2016, or even much later with this, so don’t hold your breath)

•Advent Calendar. Oh bjoy! Almost there – both timewise and creating it, just missing three entries, and those will be up there soon enough too, and you will be able to regurgitateenjoy!

•Moar X-Mess crap. Starbucks made the red cups. And people are losing their shit over it. Why on earth is this a thing? Are you retarded? You’re behaving like six year olds who want reindeer, snowflakes, trees and santa on it, instead of a civilised, stylish plain red wrap showing the matching green Starbucks logo. Get your shit together, it’s not war against christmas, it’s war against senseless kitsch. Take your reindeer, trees, santas, angles, snowflakes, snowmen and stars and shove it!
Grow up you imbeciles!

 

That was it for the time being, I hope you have a great Movember, a successful NaNoWriMo and generally a good time, as always,
Take care,
A.

Fiendish Easter IV

shudderThis cackling and jiggling chick is the latest of motorized easter gimmicks.

Scaring away Spring and Fertility Spirits, small children, and even Jesus, this demon – placed behind the door after the scare tactics of a dismebodied rabbit head had failed – will succeed in preparing for the arrival of the antichrist….

Fiendish Easter II

image

Now Easter has arrived in the obesity ward of Betty Ford, in the shape of these two creatures of hazard.
These two woodland critters are the three dimensional representation of something screaming “Type II diabetes!” on top of their lungs. A worthy part of the festivities celebrating the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ…

Fiendish Easter I

image

Christians and their high.

I kinda got used to the Christmas shrooms by now, but this is getting ridiculously suspicious.
Easter/Spring shrooms? Really?

Be that as it may, kicking off this year’s easter on green Thursday, we skip the spinach and head right to the shrooms, you don’t want to be sober when Christ returns, do you?