Posts tagged ‘star’

Dystopia, again.

Star Trek is, on some level, deeply disturbing.

Sure it is a utopian dream, mankind stands united, there’s equality for everyone, and peace.

But there are dark undertones, that shouldn’t be dismissed.

Transporters for one are murder machines. You’re scanned, atom per atom, subatomic particle per subatomic particle, all thought patterns included. Then a copy of you is materialised someplace else, and the original you is destroyed.

The fact that this also opens the door of manipulating your very thought patterns also exists here.

But we aren’t there yet.

Gladly.

The computer on the Enterprise (1701 and onward), Voyager, Defiant, DS9, etc. IS ALWAYS LISTENING.

You just start an inquiry at the computer with “Computer,” followed by what ever you need or want.

That in itself seems benign, until you consider, that the computer is listening to everything you say.

All day, every day, eaves dropping on every conversation, judging whether you are addressing it, or just mention the word “Computer”. (As in, for example “The computer erased all my mewe porn.” “Again?” “Yeah, have to tell the computer to stay out of my holodeck library.”)

It would be rather easy to write a program into that computer, designed to report anything that opposes certain dogmas. (As in, for example “We have to eliminate every last trace of the borg, these oppressive totalitarian techno freaks need to die!” “Dude, they’re a species, you can’t genocide them!” “Well, if you’re so for equality, get assimilated then!” “But that would mean losing my individuality!” “Did anyone ask the already assimilated drones whether they wanted to become borg? No? Then let the Borg die!” – one of them is getting auto reported for genocidal thought, or the other one for having a too lax attitude against the enemy)

Doctor Patient confidentiality is virtually nonexistent here. Sure, the doctor isn’t going to tell the captain about the rash of space herpes coming from lieutenant Dickins, but the computer is ALWAYS EAVES DROPPING!

We are here.

People put Alexas and other such devices in their homes, and essentially bugged their homes.

It doesn’t need to go as far as being reported for wrong think (and it doesn’t matter whether you’re left or right in that scenario). But there is a corporation listening in on everything that goes on, collecting data, selling it. So you can be better advertised to, so pharmaceutical companies can target your everyday ailments, so authorities can better keep track of you, so you become a thoroughly transparent being.

A revenue source.

A pawn.

If I lived in Star Trek, I’d hack into the computer and disable all listening hardware in my quarters by frying them with a nice jolt from the EPS conduits. Oh and, the communicator would stay in a soundproof box at the door.

Take care, and throw that Alexa shit out the window,

A.

Pre Christmas Terror.

In this hallowed time of Halloween, horror and terror are the good tone. 

But what I have in store for you will shock the bravest souls, terrify the most hardcore horror aficionados. It will drive insane those who are too weak, will test the strength of those with minds and functioning reason. 

I present

The advent calendar from the mirror universe. Where the dreadful, drab and dreary emojis are called emotis, and where they are considered to be funny. You know the place. Where Spock wears a goatee. Where Trump is the good president, and Obama was shitty. Where Fox is the liberal news outlet. Where the prequels were actually any good and firefly ran for a few seasons. 

Do you dare stare into this abyss, or do you fear it will stare into you?

The care,
A.

Crappy Birthday in November

Barf!

We’re in the money, come on my honey! Let’s lend it, spend it, send it rolling around!

May next month be with you!

 

In honor of next month’s release of Episode 7 let me present this desperate cash grab. Star Wars characters as HotWheels cars.

Yes, this is a real product, I took the photo myself.

In all seriousness, I’d rather get that sweet car on the right for 1,69 Euro, than the poor adaptions of Star Wars characters as HotWheels cars, with a Han Solo on the packaging that looks nothing like Han Solo in any time period. Not even a poorly adapted CGI Han looks this far off.

It baffles me why these even exist! NOTHING in Star Wars has wheels! NOTHING! Gears, yes (the Jawas), wheels? Nope. We ASSUME R2D2 is moving on wheels, but do we see them?
NOPE!

If you have a Star Wars Fan in your (extend) circle of friends, and want to piss him/her off to no extent, here you go. Give them HotWheels cars, that are supposed to be Star Wars Characters.

Crappy Birthday,
A.

Beating the Hippies, a touch of magic…

I am not one to easily dismiss the supernatural, I am guilty of magical thinking more often than not myself. But I am also a realistic fellow, and that provides for some devastatingly harsh reality collisions.

Remember the fuzz some “magical” thinking individuals made about 12/13/14 – “the last sequential date of the century, your special magic day!!!11” – Well the majoroty of the world writes the date like “Day – Month – Year”, so the “special” day was 13. 12. 14.
Not so special anymore, huh? (Once you take other calendars than the Christian one into account that supid date shite melts like snow thrown into lava….)

If you ponder these things for a mere minute, it all falls apart. There is NOTHING special about a date we humans made up. Or a time we made up.
Why?
It’s all as imaginary as the pink plush dragon unicorn octopus that keeps whispering these things to me!!

3:33 where you live, is, in actuality, 3:34 just a little distance away, and “officially” over in the next timezone it’s 4:33, or 2:33 if you wish. Make believe.
All of it.

But why stop there?
Solstice, for example, while, yes, that is something that is actually happening, it is nothing special. Or are we celebrating the martian solstice with the rovers there? No? Good.

Just empower your magical thinking and your imagination for a second and follow me on a crisscross ride, between spiritual things and scientific things:
You are an insignificant little thing, on an insignificant (relatively dry¹) planet, orbiting a not-so-special yellow G-Type star, in a tiny galaxy, in an almost infinite universe.
Why would powers/entities that surpass our meager three (or four) dimensional existence, care in the least about the anual happenings of a microscopic spec of dirt (and the beings on it) in this universe? Spirits/Ghosts that once were critters on this planet – maybe.
Powers higher up in the food chain (if they exist) – don’t give a shit about solstice. Or any other constellation of Earth-Moon-Sun.

Speaking of constellation.

Wait a few thousand years. Stellar drift will tear apart your oh so precious constellations. Shift your angle a bit – if humanity were to develop space travel to a nearby system f.e. – your constellations are fucked up.
So, saying that something is in the constellation of Orion and it takes a dump on the house of Pluto – stop smoking those roaches. They do you no good!

It is all empty silly crap, make believe, hollow, ritualistic nonsense. Like al of the religions out there: empty, maningless and dumb. If god, or gods, and other supernatural beings do exist (which I believe) – they do not give a shit about our holidays, our planet’s constellation to other planets, stars or the milky way. They don’t give a flying frak about dates and times. Stop spreading bovine waste products, and snap back to reality.

Oh, one last thing:
Stop pretending that “Mother Nature” is only that benign thing you perceive when you are in the woodlands, observing blooming flowers and dancing butterflies, while a deer leaks all over the undergrowth.
Mother nature – by default – is also a cold, lifeless, dark, barren rock in the depths of space. Mother nature is the surface of Venus – 460C sulfuric acid rain.
Mother nature is radioactive Uranium deposits, massextinction causing Gamma Ray Bursts and asteroids annihilating life on a planetary scale.
Mother nature is not your friend…
…it is not your enemy either.
It just is.
And you are condemned to obey nature, regardless of your date and time of birth, what constellation is fraking which planetary house up the nostrils, or whether you danced naked with the moths on the blue moon of 1969…

Take care,
A.

¹Before you shit you pants, yes. Earth is a rather dry place. Our planet’s surface is covered to two thirds with water, but the majority of earth’s mass is rock. Only 0,2% or less of Earth’s mass is water! Scientists discovered remnants of a planet that must have consisted to 20% of water. Imagine that! A planet sized ocean, deeper than anything we could imagine…so yes. We are on/in a dry patch of space…

How to fix the Star Wars Prequels – Episode 3

Finally the last one. I can’t wait to get this over with.

1. General LeeDookoo’s attack on the capitol is in full swing months after Episode 2. Amidala is on Naboo heavy preggers. Obi Wan and Anakin are in the defense of Coruscant, the robo lizzard General Grievous (see RedLetterMedia for additional baddies like Admiral Bone-to-Pick) is completely eliminated from the story. COMPLETELY!

2. Chacnellor Palpatine is abducted by General Dookoo (Darth R.E.Lee), the two (Obi Wan & Anakin) get him back. Remember, there is NO R2D2 or 3CPO here. Good? Perfect! Obi Wan is slowly suspecting there is something going on / wrong with Anakin, as he seems less reserved like a Jedi, but more aggressive like a Sith (can we call them “Dark Jedi” again? Sith sounds like a Hobo’s soiled pants after drinking too much Wine from a carton…).
General Darth Lee is murdered in cold blood by Anakin, further deepning the doubts that Obi Wan has in his apprentice.

3. After the separatists/confederates retreat from GhettysburgCoruscant, a decisive battle that IS determining the war (just like in the civil war at Ghettysburg), we are informed that Palpatine should have signed a treaty that makes the separation from the republic legal. (So the entire abduction finally makes sense!)

4. By now Palpatine has become interested in the irritated, angry young Jedi Anakin, and further deepens the damage to his training, drawing hi deeper into the Dark Jedi territory. Sooner or later Anakin becomes evil, which causes Amidala to end their relationship, filing for divorce, without telling him of her pregnancy. This makes him even more angry. BUT WE NEVER SEE THESE TWO ON THE SCREEN TOGETHER!

5. Darth Vader! Yes, finally we’re there. Palpatine sends him to deal with General Lee’s Dookoo’s successor on Mustafar (that’s racist by the way), who is staging & manufacturing a new wave of battle droids there. While offing these and the successor (a noname, who is not a dark jedi) Obi Wan and Yoda learn of the fate of their fellow Jedi. Palpatine has ordered his agents in the command ranks of the clone to wipe the JEdi out. Since the clones are obedient, they just do what they’re told without hesitation. Obi Wand Yoda are the sole survivors.

6. There is no endfight between Obi Wan and Anakin/Vader OR Yoda versus Palpatine.  His condition is due to the noname successor to Dookoo setting off a selfdestruct on Mustafar. Palpatine rushed to his aid, while Yoda hides on Dagobah, and Obi Wan goes with Senator Organa to look for Amidala, who dies in childbirth. Now the two (Yoda is already in hiding) decide to separate the twins, Leia on Alderaan as his adoptive daughter and Luke with the Lars’s on Tatooine, where Ben Kenobi also goes into hiding.

7. Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine watch a Death Star in construction imploding under its own weight, explaining why they’re taking so long to build an operational one until Episode 4.

There could be an outro crawler explaining that the Clone armies slowly died because of the advanced aging they had to under go, and drafts were pulling able bodied men into service. If you want to keep the “special edition” original trilogy, make Coruscant look a little run down. Buildings in neglect as the materials to build the fleet and the death stars are no longer available for maintaining stupid looking buildings…oh and make them dirty. And get “old” Anakin back in Episode 6.

So. I fixed the prequels. Somewhat. It could be done better, but this is a quickly drawn up draft for the real geniuses in Hollywood to work with.
Fix the mistake George did. While we’re at it, Paramount, send the dude who thought a CGI Enterprise in Star Trek TOS would be a good idea to the same island we need to ditch George on.
Thanks.

May the force be with you!
A.

How to fix the Star Wars Prequels – Episode 2

Remember the second episode? It was more of an intoxicating stinker of a cinematic turd than the shite that grounded the BA flight to Dubai back in March 2015.

Fix it.

1. After the corrected Episode 1 we follow up at Coruscant, the midair collision traffic has wound down a little, as more and more system want to seprate from the republic (remember the Civil War reference? Good. Keep that in mind!). Count Dookoo (which sounds like some took a dump “I made a Count Dookoo in my diaper!” – so rename him, Disney, please!) is presented as a baddie from the start, as he is a General (equal to General Lee in the Civil War. Keep that shit in mind, people). We are presented with the fact that the republic has little to offer against the separatists, so drafts are going to happen. Occassionally Jedi are drafted in, and eventually the council agrees to join the war effort in order to restore peace.

2. Now the Clones march in. In order to keep the economy up and running they need the people NOT in the war, so the senate votes for the formation of a clone army, we can basically keep the majority of the clone plot. BUT the senate is informed about their shady background, and thus NON clone men/women are leading the troops. (influenced, infilitrated or something by the baddies, so the obedient clones later can rebel against the Jedi)

3. Love. Anakin and Amidala had kept tabs on each other, kept in contact – they’re friends, and their romance has begun formin OF camera in etween Episode 1 and 2. Still they only reluctantly indulge in their feelings, but in essence it is AMIDALA that is making the advances, breaking Anakin’s training and turns out his passion/love (and thus inadvertently his darker side). There is NO plot to assassinate her, but high ranking political individuals are slowly transfered away from Coruscant, as an attack is feared, and instead of having ALL leaders wiped out all at once, the separatists could only damage them, but not wipe them out. The senators can holo-phone their stuff in.
Anakin is escorting her to Naboo (again, change it, or your Dookoo making kid will think of curvy furry animals eating grapes and frolicking in the sun) on a mission to prove himself to the council and Obi Wan.

4. Obi Wan and his former Master Yoda are investigating the murder of Chancellor Velorum (now Palpatine can be elected) Obi Wan follows the assassin, Jango Fett, and gets trapped on the planet where Dookoo (*sigh*) is staging and manufacturing his troops for the Battle at Ghettysburg Coruscant. Anakin and Amidala rush to the rescue, after having spent a sinful night together. (Yes. This early. Deal with it.)

5. Keep the arena scene, Dookoo and Maul are watching in horror as the Jedi and Clones march in. Chase scene, fight.
Now either Yoda is going limp due to old age or he is injured during the fight, Maul gets finally killed, LeeDookoo escapes, the droids join in their escape. Prior a discussion revealed the plans for the deathstar as previously in the old AotC.

6. Again, we meet Palpatine as Imperator (Darth PantaloonsSidious) only for a brief moment, no over indulgent conversations with a hologram that could be traced/recorder and compared. The Civil War is full on.
Episode 2 ends.

A thing about the sets. Except on ambasadorial or royal ships/locations, the sets should have a grimey, used touch to them. You know, a little dirty, a little used. Not ALL sets looking like they were built and cleaned an hour ago.

Again, fix this, for the sake of the force. DO IT!
A.

How to fix the Star Wars Prequels – Episode 1

Hey, Disney, I have a suggestion for you.

FIX THE GOD DAMN PREQUELS!

Here’s how to do it.
1. “Fixing” In the opening crawler text write “After wittnessing the Imperial propaganda piece that was the Phantom Menace, which displayed the Jedi as sodden dimwits, here’s the truth.”

2. The entire “Dispute over Taxation of Tradrouts” crap – lose it. The Trade federation (or “the French”) is full on attacking a well armed Naboo civilisation, that is capable of holding up, but will eventially lose. Two Jedi are dispatched to instigate peace negotations. The opening shot after the crawler is a ship on approach to the planet, followed by a short overview of the exchange of hostilities between Naboo and the French.

3. Ditch Qui Gon. Who is sent to do the negotiating? Yoda and Obi Wan Kenobi. Master and Apprentice. Yoda does not yet have a cane to walk with – as someone who worked in a care home for a year I can tell you, old people (and Yoda IS old) can deteriorate pretty quickly. So here he is still fit and all, and only needs a cane later when Luke is visiting him.

4. There will be no negotiations. The two land secretly on the far side of the planet to avoid having to fight through two competing armies. There they run into one of the Gungas, or what ever the underwater Cretins are called.
NO JAR JAR BINKS!
They meet, let’s say the guard we encounter in TPM, he tells them that the war has disrupted the already fragile relations with the Naboo and them, and that they will help the Jedi.

5. Yoda and Obi Wan snatch Amidala from the besieged city together with her CHief of Security (one eyed Dude), go back through the underwater level, negotiate with the Cretins that they will help if no one comes to their aid from the Republic. Then they return to their ship with Amidala and her guard. NO FRIGGIN DECOY CRAP!

6. During their escape from “Planet of the Duh!” the ship gets damaged forcing them to land on Tatooine.  They meet a young pubescent Anakin Skywalker, about 14 years old. In order to impress the “Queen”, Anakin participates in a pod race (let’s keep that stuff in, the resulting game was AWESOME!) so they get the dough necessary for continuing on. Yoda and Obi Wan agree that Anakin needs training, although he clearly is too old to start the training, he still holds great power. NO MITICHLORIANS! Stop ruining Star Wars. Okay?

7. Selling their ship and dumping the cash from the pod race on Shmi and her BF (Owen Lars?) they then book passage on another ship (sounds familiar? Good. “It’s like poetry, so it rhymes.” Right?) and return to the Senate.

8. The Senate, who sent the Jedi to start the negotiations, is in a political lock down, between pro intervention and contra intervention parties, as well as few who couldn’t decide. Reflecting reality. Amidala, with more emotion than in TPM, votes for a no confidence thing, resluting in GENERAL new elections, for the entire senate, as the Chancellor is incapable of resolving the tie in senate. (This later creates a new Chancellor election empowering Palpatine)

9. The Jedi. Obi Wan is ready-ish to be granted the title of Jedi Knight, and desires to train Anakin as his Padawan. This is granted, as long as Yoda supervises for the first months, or year. The three Jedi (Yoda, Obi Wan and Anakin) return with Amidala to Naboo (we need to rename the Planet and the people, because Naboo sounds like shit you tell your three year old when tucking them in. “The Naboo were gentle people, and always frolicked in the sun, eating grapes…”) because of above stalemate in the senate.

10. Plans? The French have never had contact with Palpatine, those messages would be recorded, and that trunk like nose of his is a dead giveaway. They only speak with Darth Maul. In person, he has a small holographic communicator on him where he talks with Palpatine.
Why are the French attacking Naboo? Let’s say they have a stash of guns lying around, or valuable materials beneath their soil. We can draw the entire plot like the US American Civil War. The Separatists (Confederates) attack Naboo (Fort Something) and start the entire thing. Okay? Okay. Darth Maul keeps directing the French, and is equal to Obi Wan in a sword fight, and manages to escape. No one dies, yet.

11. Anakin and Amidala form a tender friendship with a slight hint of romance, after the battle of the Naboo with aid from the Cretins against the Droid Army. Little or no lightsabre action during the entire movie. The French are driven off, and few key figures are imprisoned and either jailed for life or executed. War times people. The Confederacy Separatist gain traction.
Naboo is free.
Episode 1 is over.

 

Please Disney, once enough time and republican credits are abundant, do this. Don’t forget, “credits will do fine” *handwave*.

May the force be with you,
A.

From the private log.

Saw a shooting star back there, and I know not the wish I made…

I came to the mind numbing conclusion, although I always make the same conscious wish, the unconscious mind, let’s call him Jay, is a bit faster.
A bit more…encompassing.

I don’t know how to word the thoughts sometimes gurgled up from Jay. How to describe the wish that is present from the subconscious every time there is “occassion” for one.
It is an emotion, a mixture of feelings, an army of thoughts, determined and pronounced.
Pronounced in a tongue not spoken by any.

For a fleeting fraction of a moment – wind breaking in the sparsely leafing branches of the brass wood and the chestnut trees, fading smells of blooming violets and other blossoms and blooms fragrant in the air, my eyes skyward, a streak of light, gone before l can fix on it – my subconscious reveals itself to me. Although by all rules and regulations, that first wish is binding (think Ghostbusters!), I consciously try to override Jay and his decision.
Not really knowing if I’m overriding, or confirming.

I saw a shootingstar back there, and I know not my wish that I had made…

Star Wars, the force awakens

Okay, just a quick post.
First off, I’m writing this only today, as I wanted to finish an Episode of Rings of Fate yesterday.

Let’s get to the trailer now. First we see a dude who is obviously startled. “Frak! Those were the droids we were looking for.” Then an upgraded Pixar-Ball rolls through the desert telling us visually that this is now Diseny territory.
Next up we are given Space-Marines Stormtroopers. A woman on a speeder thingy, that is a bit difficult to get on to if you have no ladder, speeds off.
Followed by a few X-Wings over a lake. And now my favourite comes up.
A light sabre.
With a hilt.

Everybody craps their pants about this.
Why?
It’s a fictional weapon!
No one argued with the double edged light sabre in Episode 1!? In and off itself the light sabre is impractical, the hilt doesn’t make it less impractical, or more.
“It looks like a cross!” I hear offended Christians wine, and I say, let them. Did these fuckwits ever see a sword? If you are too narrow minded to realise that the original symbol for Christianity was a fish (much like this one: “<><“) and not a cross, you deserve to be ridiculed. “It’s a cross!” “No it’sa friggin ‘t’. Or a plus sign, or a sword. Now shut up.”

It’s teaming with energy, and violent in it’s shimmer. Good. I’ve had it up to here with the sterile plastic rod shaped light sabres of the past.
Aaand we see the Millennium Falkon. In some nauseating in flight action, set to the classic tune. Mouthwatering and Nerdgasmic.

What more can you ask from a trailer?
The answer: The STARS!
Not necessarily the stars of outter space, but what happened to Luke, Leia and Han? R2D2, C3PO and Chewbakka?
They’re there, I suppose. Somewhere. Behind a dune, or on the lakeshore, on the other side of the dark forest. In the Falkon.

However. The Trailer is great, and the discussion of the lightsaber is moot. A fantasy weapon is and stays a fantasy weapon. “Normal swords didn’t have blades on the hilt!”
A.) Search around long enough, you’ll find one. I guarantee it.
B.) What in the Star Wars universe is powerful enough to deflect a lightsaber? Answer: A Lightsabre. Therefore the hilt is of the same “material” as the “blade”. There fixed it, and the reconstruction is pointless, can a lightsabre blade go THROUGH another lightsabre blade? Nope! Hence the angular hilt is as useless as boobs on a fish.
This is the way it functions, not tilted, or any other way.

There, with a little Nerdlogic I fixed that for you.

Now my fellow nerds, go forth and enjoy the time until December 2015.

May the force be with you!
A.

Aliens resurrecting

while watchign a documentary about how water and other compounds for life as we know it, are found throughout the solar system I have begun puzzling at history. Early universe history that is.

The organic compounds that were delivered to (probably all the planets of our solarsystem) earth by comets had to have come from somewhere.

Panspermia?
Maybe, bacteria and what makes them, are very hard to kill. They can lie dormat in frozen cores of comets for aeons and then thaw when the thing crashes.
The supposed discovery of alien bugs in the upper atmosphere seems to support that theory.
It is confirmed, however, that at least components of nucleic acid are present in comets.

Selfinsemination?
Our sun is a third generation star, meaning that after the big bang a star formed. Much bigger, much brighter and much hotter than ours. It burned out quite fast (in stellar terms), blew up and left material behind that hasn’t been there before.

During the normal fusion process of a sun burning there is Helium created by fusion of Hydrogen. But in a supernova all the other stuff is created! Everything that we know, and are!
It is all created in a violent explosion.

The second generation star might already have had a planet with life on it, or at least a primordial soup sloshing around in it. Once that one blew up these building blocks of life might have remained withing the zone of destruction, our sun formed in that cloud, so did our planets, and earth. The entire system might have brought life to itself. Or it happened like this and life came from somewhere else entirely. (Go back to Panspermia)

Omnipresence?
Perhaps life is just like the religous people claim for their gods: Omnipresent.
It has a chance to sprout everywhere in the universe, and does so quite often. Only recently remnants of a solarsystem had been discovered in which a planet once had existed that consisted of 20% water! (Earth consists only of 0.02% water, the rest is rock. Please, don’t confuse the entirity of the planet with just the surface.)
Just think about that. A planet that is 20% water! How much life could be there?!
A friggin lot.
Perhaps there were water aliens. Maybe they built spaceships and left their planet before the star died taking their homeworld with it. Someday they might turn up on our little planet, a rather dry spot for them, but it might suffice.
Perchance they drill down into Europa’s surface or Enceladus’s and make a base there?
What we might find out there in the universe is beyond count. Beyond imagination. We will find life, sooner or later (if we don’t kill ourselves before then, that is)

What ever the truth is, it is beyond us for the moment, but we will find out sooner or later. Perhaps there is life based on other substances than carbon? Who knows. Let’s land on Titan, and find out. I figure it is the best spot to look for alien life based on other elements than carbon.

I hope we discover some sort of alien life within my lifetime.

A.