Posts tagged ‘stench’

Crappy Birthday in July

​24.99€ each and this can be YOURS!
I tried all three, albeit somewhat involuntarily at first.

Jedi and Empire are essentially the same smell, although Jedi is far less intense.

Imagine a sweet smell as if something was rotting, only far less unpleasant. Add some musky and bitter tones, and you have these two.
As for the only “female” stenchsmell in this menage a catastrophé, this is a smell that is (both descriptively and figuratively), as if cottoncandy and burned almonds, are wrapped around some stiff sausage that is already spoiled and smelling, but not yet rotten, before your nostrils are brutally, but lovingly, violated with it.

In all honesty, if ArmadilloAmidala really stank like this perfume, Anakin would’ve turned darkside in Episode 1, Luke and Leia would’ve never been conceived because Anakin would have murdered the shit out of everyone, especially Amidala.

So this is the perfect gift for Star Wars Geeks and Nerdettes to piss them off (and out of your life and future gift obligations), as well as for people who dislike, or outright hate, Star Wars, giving them another reason to hate the saga. This obnoxious stench.

Crappy Birthday, take care,
A.

PS: There is Jedi and Empire for men, but only Amidala for women. Why?

Another note to Airrefreshener makers

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Colours of Nature.
Not all of us can smell colour. In fact that is most of us. Stop selling us this pigslob.

100% natural propellant. Even the most toxic propellant is 100% natural. If it weren’t it’d have to seep in from another dimension, whether intentional or by accident. Again, stop making claims that are 100% lies. I know where you come from and want to go with this, but it’s absolute gobshite!

Citrus. Again the weak, inexcusable stench of a pathetic fruit that should be exterminated from existence by nuclear bombs en mass. Stop using this!
Just stop!

Airrefresheners / Room sprays

A word to the people who make these: thank you for trying to combat the stenches of life, now would you kindly STOP MAKING EVERYTHING WORSE???

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The image here is in German, it reads “Heaven freshness” and Lavender …. what DOES heaven actually smell like?
Really, I mean?
Ozone?
Thin air?
Ionised solar particles, allegedly smelling like welding?
This stuff don’t smell like that!
Or is it the limb removing cold they try to reach? Trust me – you can’t with a plastic bottle stored at room temperature.

And lavender!
We have lavender at home, and I can tell you that whatever this stuff smells like, it is not lavender.
If this label was honest it’d say “this smells like the color pink”. (Note, it doesn’t say “heavenly freshness” = “himmlische frische”)

Speaking of the label – Aqua Nature?
Come on!
This is as far from Nature as (in)humanly possible, a name like that isn’t even acceptable for some fancy, bottled water, and definitely not for an airrefreshener!
And while we’re at it, water is color and odorless.
Odorless!
So, no, you can’t call your heavy scented, chemical cluster frak anything related to water, or nature.

Before I close today’s post, one last thing: I hope that the date printed on the back of this is the date it was bottled, not an expiration date. Because if it is one, we have long run out of it, which might explain the stenchsmell…
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Take care, and open a damn window, people…
A.

T minus 2

Smell it!Perfume “Smart Phone

Did you always want to stinksmell like a cellphone? OR to be more specific, a smart phone?
Yes?

Then turn over you smart phone, because dumb people don’t deserve smart phones! What should this smell imply? “Uee me baby, swipe  me, swipe me harder, shake it, oh yes, use the oral featurette…”
The smell of a smart phone for the stinky people without personality. This goes perfect for any “I’ve been smelling like my iPhone before it was cool!”-Hipster idiot. Pretentious, hipster, crap.

People who identify themselves with the phone they own, and the according smell, should be heavily investigated by the NSA, they look like dangers to our species/culture/society…give this to your annoying hipster cousin, in the hopes that this will aggressively attack his/her phone’s casing. (Seriously, iPhone 5c – a smart phone wearing crocks??)