Posts tagged ‘stupid’

BTH – ASMR…

Why is this even a thing?

These are people who do not know how to use a microphone: they’re breathing into one as if they wanted to either swallow, or make sweet sweet love to it.
That is NOT how you use a mic, dumbass.

I’m not one to deny others their kink, far from it, but you wankers want the “girlfriend experience” – without the “experience” part.
You see, afaik, some prostitutes offer “the girlfriend experience” (for extra of course), and then you get cuddling, kissing, sweet talk, and what not (I imagine). There you get an actual experience.
With this crap you get no experience.

If I were one to go on business trips around the globe, so when I lay my weary CEO head down to cry on a cushion stuffed with stacks of cash while I pleasure myself to sleep, my beloved trophy wife is not able to lull me through it on the phone thanks to timezones, I’d have her breathe into a mic for half an hour, nude, and then play that video back to me.
I am not.
These people are not near and dear to me.
On the polar opposite.
They are complete and utter fraking strangers!
Making all of this a little creepy…

I would almost understand this, if it were porn [porn-porn. Not this brain-porn crap that someone equated this bullshit to]:
A naked chick (or guy, what have you), giving an imaginary protagonist (the camera) a POV girlfriend experience.
With sweet talk, breathing into a microphone, sensual descriptive talk about what they ‘are doing’ with you, complete with ‘noise’.

But this is people breathe-talking in the most annoying fashion possible [not whispered, not spoken, but the dimwitted bastard offspring of the two, that’s too loud and pronounced to be soothing or comfortable, but too low and hushed to be easily intelligible], making noise too close to the microphone [if I for example were to crave the sound of a girl brushing her long long hair, I want to hear it like normal people hear it, not the way a mic taped to the back of the brush picks it up!], and saying the most ridiculously mundane crap ever [if you have no one in your life you can talk about bowel movements with, stop the ASMR, quit your busy job and get friends and/or a spouse, because that is what you NEED]!

Get outta here!

But note, after this election I understand everyone who needs to get relaxed in any way shape or form.

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What the actual leap?

Are you people kidding me?

2016 has been a leap year. Big deal, every four years we have one. That is common knowledge.

Yet I can’t wrap my head around the fact that everywhere, literally EVERYWHERE, people and organisations took it upon themselves to celebrate the 29th (of February) like it was the second coming of christ! Even Ikea, IKEA, posted a picture of a table with a fifth leg in the center with the caption “If the leap year was a table”.

What happened?
Did we collectively drop a few IQ points since 2012 and slip into the category of people with special needs? (Which is just a PC way of me asking whether we all got retarded as a society)

There are two kinds of people who can be legally oblivious to leap years and the concept behind them. One are people living in another calendar system. The other group is kids, who can and will ask their parents and/or teachers.

If anyone of age old enough to vote, join the army, drive or purchase tobacco/alcohol has NO concept of why we have leap years – I want them to be given a legal guardian and their rights for all the aforementioned things revoked.
Why?
Because these people clearly have no capability of abstract thought, and thus, if they can’t get behind such a simple and selfexplanatory concept such as leap years, they pose a severe threat to our soceity if they’re let lose on voting booths, armed, drunk and behind the wheel.

So it is baffling to me that we were treated to articles and videos á mass with titles like “Neil deGrasse Tyson explains leap years here” “Michio Kaku explains why we have leap years” “This is why we have leap years” “Why do we have leap years” “This is the reason why…” and so on.
Then we have all the celebratory shit. A local radiostation treating it like they did us a service for even showing up to work that day. Facebook congratulated me saying that every four years we get an extra day and I should make the most of it!
Listen here you fuckheads, I try to make the most of EVERY day. Just because there is an extra day in the calendar (which is a human concept and has no connection to the reality of “days” or even “years”)  I won’t just drop my efforts and be depressed for a day. Nor do I need special encouragement.

There wasn’t that much fuzz about this shit in 2012, and that leaves but one conclusion. In exactly four years, our society, if not the entire species, got dumber.

This is terrifying, and disturbing. In 2020 we will probably be dancing to a 29th February hymn, and clap the leap year.
Let’s hope the terrorists win….

As always, take care, and if you prefer the terrorists on the losing end like me, educate people. Especially your kids. If you don’t have the answers, stop homeschooling them and send them to REAL teachers.
A.

Beating the Hippies, Beast of the Number

Yeah, this is about the “number magic” some of these New Age Witchpeople…uhm… “practice”.

To give you an impression of how much shit they’ve got on their shelves:

They write down a series of numbers (f.e.: 16, 22, 13, 5, 78) called a code, on a piece of paper, put a jug of perfectly fine, clean, drinkable tap water on it and wait.
For what?
For the “code” to work, to purify the water, or energise it, or something.

After a few minutes the jug’s content is ready to be drunk, and the paper with the code, is now to be thrown away (or ritualistically burned).
Whether that code would scare- or whisk away any real threats, like e.coli, out of murky water, I don’t know.
These snivelling shits only suffer from “upper middle class, first world problems”.
How do I know?
Easy, other fields of work for this malpractice of paper wasting and number abuse is, (amongst infinitely more) Chemtrail busting.
Hence their codes never were field tested with e.coli ridden waters!

“And it really, REALLY works!!!!111onetyone”
-Hippie

No.
No it doesn’t Moonraybutterfly. Numbers don’t filter or cleanse water. Otherwise we wouldn’t need “bigSewage” with their treatment plants…

Look, people, like your problems, your solutions are made up.
I already have explained arbitrary dates, that don’t phaze the universe and grander powers (if existent) at play, and now I have to go at this?

Okay! Here we go again!

Numbers, or codes as you call it, are about as magical, as turds floating on rivers of piss. Translate the base10 numbers you’re using into – lets say, hexadecimal – you’re screwed.

Let’s play with the most known magical number – 666

Roman numeral system: DCLXVI
Hexadecimal system: 29A
Binary: 1010011010

Not so menacing anymore, is it?

You do this with all your stupid “magic” “holy” or “unholy” numbers and your hokuspokus flies apart at the speed of light.
Numbers don’t cleanse your water, they do not disolve contrails, they don’t empower you pecker, don’t unblock your colon and won’t help you in any way shape or form. (Except the right ones on a lottery ticket)

Don’t any of you mathematical imbeciles dare say “But numbers are universal!!!! Foar the entire Universe!!!!11”
They’re not. (Pi is, I grant you that)
Our numbering system is based on 10 due to our 10 fingers. Imagine Aliens with twelve fingers.
Like Hexadecimal, after 10 comes 1A, and 1B, before you switch over to 11! 
Numbers are arbitrary. Sure, there is a definitive mass to a standard Hydrogen atom, but whether you call it 1H as a base for a new unit, or base that mass as a (n arbitrarily numbered) fraction of something (arbitrary) else (grams? ounces? mol?) is all riding the randomly chosen number roller coaster again.

So no. Numbers are not universal.
Numbers are not magical.
There are no “codes”. At least no magical ones.

Take care,
A.

PS: If above example code yields proven results, I demand credit and royalties ;þ

PPS: If you are now trying that code for various shit my code already worked…it lured in gullible twits.

Patience

Truly is a virtue. A virtue that I am not in possession of.

I have gotten over the aneurysm inducing first parent-teacher conference, and I must say, I marvel at the patience of the Kindergarten teachers, and the braindamage indicating stupidity of the parents.
All of which seem like either left-over Yuppies (Ouppies?) or Alternative-Antivaxxer-Hippies.
Or both.

KGT (Kindergardenteacher): “For the strictly voluntary, weekly Out-Of-The-House-Day supply your kid with a backpack, raincoat, they should wear trousers, don’t pack lunches, and supply a reusable waterbottle, we fill the bottles with the children here.”
Parent1: “The bottle should be empty?”
KGT: “Yes.”
Parent2: “Can we fill them at home?”
KGT: “No. We fill them with the kids, here.”
Parent3: “So, the bottle is supposed to be empty?”

I wonder how these people have made it through the daily gauntlets of life so far.

If I would’ve held that conference I would’ve told them the first sentence. When the first parent asks I would’ve let out a sigh of frustration and stared blankly into the audience: “Listen up. I will say this only once again: Bring an empty bottle that your kid is going to fill up with water. Here. With us. You do not fill it yourselves, we and the kids do. If any of you are dimwitted enough to be confused by this simple task, LEAVE! Leave now, your kids will be taken into custody of the state, your drivers licence will be revoked, and you won’t be permitted to vote, anymore! In fact, you will be given a legal guardian yourself!”

Explaining basic simple crap to toddlers is something that needs to be done.
They’re learning. That is something I can do. Their attention span is about 5 seconds (unless they are supposed not to pay attention to something, then it can’t be deterred).
But their parents get zero tolerance.
These people have had kids, they need to raise these kids. They are holding jobs.
They have a permit to navigate a vehicle of several tons, loaded with said children and several liters of a highly flammable liquid, through populated areas.
They are allowed to vote! Thus, not only ruining the futures of small groups of people, but large groups of people.

And this can’t be tolerated! They need to be as much raised/trained as their kids, the KGT shouldn’t let that shit slip.

So.
After my first almost-breakdown, we went on further down shit road. 

Still on the subject of the voluntary, weekly Out-Of-The-House-Day:
KGT: “We ask the children whether they want to go out and if they don’t want to, they stay inside.”
Parent4 (FRONTROW SEATED!): “Well I was under the impression that my child’s backpack was hardly if ever used last year. Why’s that?”
KGT: ….
In my head: “Did you binge drink before you got here, passed out and didn’t hear jackshit about the entire voluntary part, only waking up due to the ruckus over the bottle? Did you take LSD and fazed out? Don’t ask about the bottle, I dare you! Maybe your little snowflake did not want to go out that much?”

If they were to hold a simple test AFTER the meeting, to see what the parents retained OF the meeting, the results would be catastrophic. Further cementing my idea that such test should be required to vote in election.

Sheetcreek river tours ain’t over yet!

KGT: “By rules and regulations, as well as the law, we are prohibited from administrating any medication on your children. That includes cremes if your child has diaper sore, or homeopathic globuli.”
In my head: “Wahahahahaha, good, my kid shouldn’t eat too much candy anyways!”
KGT: “We can’t even use disinfectants.”
Parent5: “Blood does disinfect anyways.”

What??? Wait! WHAT??? Then why on earth are we doing all this disinfection shit then? Why are there sterile OR tools? This parent solved all of our problems! Doctors, throw away those gloves, ditch that soap amd get to work asap, blood disinfects!

Back on track.
Parent6: “Why don’t you use Octenisept? It has hardly any sideffects, it doesn’t even burn!”
In my head: “Seriously, what kind of drug abuse are you folks partaking in to get to the point of blacking out every five minutes and missing vital shit like PROHIBITED BY LAW? Did you get ANY of that?

KGT: “No. We can’t. Dirt is washed out by the blood flow if it’s a scratch, if the child is bleeding more heavily than a band aid could contain, mwe are calling either you, or an ambulance anyways.
Parent7: “What if the child is bleading too heavy for a band aid?”

I am dead serious, what drugs were you people doing before coming in? And why did I miss the stand where they gave out the free acid or whatever?
I’d rather watch the coffeemachine turn into a dragon guarding my fridge, than go through that shit ever again!

After that the aneurysm inducing parents with the braindamage apparently gave up and kept their mouths shut.

In conclusion I must say, yes, I’d have the patience to deal with a bunch of toddlers, but I lack the tolerance, and the will to deal with a bunch of adults, which are supposedly sane.
My deepes respect to teachers worldwide, kindergarten or otherwise.

Take care,
A

PS: Next parent-teacher conference, I am going to get piss drunk beforehand.

Irregular annoyed post 25 March 2015

Brightly lit day, I’d estimate it to be somewhen between 10am and 1 pm:
A dude rides on a Bike, a Bartender at an open air Bar opens a bottle with orange booze in it, next to the “on” Mic for an orange speaker-system in the street.
Orange booze is poured in glasses with fresh ice in them.
Bike-guy steals an orange hat from a girl conversing with another girl at a table in front of a Café. As she follows he rings his bell.
More booze is poured in ice filled glasses.
A stack of boxes containing oranges on a cart is rolling down a street, people (dude with ridicoulus hair; woman in “summerdress”) run after it. As the cart is forced to a stop by an obstacle, two women eagerly catch the oranges using bags (plastic by the looks of it).
Later these people (chasers and catching women) calmly walk down a sidewalk, passing oranges between them by throwing.
Different people steal orange hopping balls from an open delivery truck, smiling like exceptional individuals. Delivery guy sees this, laughs and takes two of the balls for himself, running after them while they are hopping down the road on said balls.
Booze in glasses is now handed out to some people (IN BROAD DAYLIGHT).
Suddenly the balls are baloons filled with “lighter than air” gass, people with booze-glasses walk joyfully around the baloons and several shelves (!) of identical bottles with the orange booze.
A dude on a bike (bike guy from before?) tows an orange sofa by. More booze drinking people, on the sofa and off.
All the while an annoying french song is playing.

Did you guess what it is?
Yes, the overly annoying Aperol advertising.

STOP GIVING ME THE SAME CRAP OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN ON YOUTUBE!

I never have tasted Aperol, and thanks to this advert – I NEVER WILL! So shove it!

If you could rage quit youtube, I’d do it atm.

Take care and drink ANYTHING BUT APEROL!

All this rage inducing shite aside, did you think about what your advert is telling people? THAT THESE PEOPLE HAVE ALCOHOL PROBLEMS! They hear a Bartender (pusher) open a bottle and stream in droves to the bar to get their fix IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY! How can these people get drunk that early? Aperol! “Joy is contagious!” Yeah, contagiously stupid.

Now stop doing idiotic adverts, and for the love the gods – stop dishing out the same advert thousands of times…

A.

Vaccines AGAIN!

You know, I have a schedule.
Monday and Thursday – Story parts, Friday – Blurps/Comedy. I write these bits days, weeks and sometimes months in advance, so I won’t end up with NO post one day.
So, as I’ve said, I have a schedule…

And YOU short sighted, pro-disease, pro-death, spinach milkshake, homoepathy hippie dipshits keep frakking it up!

Some idiot antivaxxer chick equated herself to the jews in Nazi Germany and now ALL the antivaxxers are picking up that rhetoric.
Insulting the victims of the holocaust.
Insulting the survivors.
And insulting the pro-vaccine, science and evidence based, responsible and social people.

No we don’t want you to wear a badge. … Although, we can stay away from you if we have infants not yet vaccinated, or people who are immune supressed, if we can identify you asocial parasitic virus dispensers.
Thanks for the idea.
However, we don’t want you segregated to your own camps. … Although, if you all catch measles (or the likes) and die from it in droves, the problem might solve itself, as the survivors, after witnessing a few horrific deaths, will line up for vaccinations around the block.
Again, thanks for the input.

All joking aside.
Are you people brave (or sane) enough to stop for just a moment and examine you own rhetoric?

It comes accross as desperate.
As if you ran out of arguments – which you did. And as disrespectful, as if younhad no idea what you’re talking about – which seems to be the case.

Look, I don’t mean to be beating a dead horse, but flogging that carcass is damn fun. Do you realise that we – mankind – have successfully eliminated a disease with vaccines?
It’s true, look it up.
Small Pox. From 1966 to 1980 a combination of surveillance, preventive measures and VACCINES eliminated the wild virus of small pox. (It can still be found in weaponised form in various labs around the globe, I’m sure.)

We could’ve done that with measles too.

Measles are NOT benefitial for development, or the benign inconvenience you make it out to be. They are a menace to health and life. People got blind, deaf, had braindamage, developed lung problems, or died years later thanks to SSPE – which comes from the measles virus.
Sure, a lot pf people get out of just fine (nowadays), otherwise the measles would’ve wiped us out by now, but it IS a dangerous virus. Period. Why else do you think your great grandmother had eight siblings, six of which she forgot the names of? Because havong a crapton of babies was a necessity, because most of them died!

All your claims of vaccines being dangerous are preposterous, maniacal, borderline insane, completely uninformed, inaccurate, and quite frankly, dangerous.
We as a society, would’ve never allowed or accepted a cure/prevention for a malicious, often deadly disease, that is MORE dangerous, than the disease it is designed to proteft against.
We would’ve returned to the laboratory, and started over.
Period.

No one wants to tag you, put you in a Ghetto. We just want you to understand how wrong you are. Feeling and intuition is worth nothing, when you have scientific data.
Vaccines work.

Next time you fish slap dance participants go and “do research”, google this “Vaccines success”, or “Vaccines benefits” instead of dangers, and toxins – the latter are not there btw.

Take care, and don’t start another idiotic attack wave!
A.

Asking

a cleric about how the real world works, is like asking a pastry chef about the detailed inner workings of a car engine. Chances are, your answer will be less helpful.

A Saudi chap called “Bandar al-Khaibari” allegedly said that the earth is not spinning (or moving), after one of his people had asked him via letter, whether it spins or not. He “proved” it and became the laughing stock of the internet.

A German proverb calls people to stick to their professions. (“Schuster bleib bei deinen Leisten” ~ Shoemaker stick with your [bootstrap] stretcher)
Someone should tell that to clerical people. Catholic clerics have no say in sex or sexuality. Men in general have no say in pregnancies or childbirth.
Non (medical) doctors need to shut up about vaccines and other medical decisions. And so on. (Yes, I am aware of the irony in light of tomorrow’s post…)

Have a nice one,
A.