Posts tagged ‘tofu’

Don’t eat shoes!

I have had enough!
SIMPLY and plainly ENOUGH!

If you are a Vegan and you keep quiet about it – good for you. You have my blessing.
If you are a Vegan and you keep soving it in everybody’s face – I wan’t to beat you with a hammer. You are just as annoying as these religous nuts who can’t shut up about god.
Hammertime!

No matter what kind of Vegan you are, there are a few Bullshit lines you can cross.
1. Bullshit line: Meat supplement. If you made the CONSCIOUS choice of eating only vegetables, an othing that was produced from animal (labour), there simply isn’t any meat. No burgers, no sausages, no nothing.
So if you are longing for a burger, you have to make the conscious choice to deny yourself the burger, and not fake it with a Tofu Burger. That is “I want to, but I can’t” and you need to stop. Either your will is strong enough to pull it through, or it isn’t. IF it isn’t, kill you conscience and pig out.
2. Bullshit line: If you are offended by the fact that Vegan Restaurants aren’t allowed to educate official cook apprentices. It’s simple, a cook apprentice needs to be ABLE to cook meat. It’s that simple. Therefore a Vegan restaurant can’t legally have an apprentice. Period. (Don’t get me started on “But Muslim/Jewish Cooks/Butchers don’t have to touch pork”. That’s different. Sort of, if you ask me, they should be forced to. YOU DON’T HAVE TO EAT THE PORK FRAKKERS! Just prepare my bacon, asshole!)
3. Bullshit line: This is the one that got me to write this post. DON’T EAT SHOES!
My wife stumbled upon an advert from Espirt: “Vegan Shoes” … I can’t even…what? YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO EAT THEM! What about Croq’s? They’re plastic, and therefore, VEGAN! Wanna know how oil (the base for plastic) came to be? Plankton, saturated with water, became entrapped and over time and pressure became oil. Plankton = plants! So – VEGAN! Still, don’t eat shoes. It doesn’t matter whether they have the “PETA-Vegan approved” sign or not. DO NOT EAT SHOES!

So, again, if you’re a Vegan – good for you. Stay strong and eat your produce. Steer clear of meat, and animal products, don’t fake out with tofu burgers and stuff, and DON’T EAT SHOES!

Take care,
A.

To my jogging neighbors…

You want to lead a healthier lifestyle than the average Joe and keep fit?
Good! Here are some easy to follow suggestions to do just that:

– Shut your fucking piehole! Don’t tell people uninvited about your workout regime or diet. No one cares!

– Get off that bicycle! I know riding the bike is the new shit but honestly it isn’t. Bicyclists are a menace and they should be dealt with as a menace, Run over pedestrians, dogs, kids, they cause  accidents and clutter up the streets. So, don’t.

– You want to live healthier? Then stop jogging on tarmac sidewalks, in innercity districts! If you continue this for 12 to 20 years, your joints will be crap! And if I were to smoke a pack of cigarettes a day and you jog for an hour a day I’m healthier after 20 years!! So, stop jogging!

– Keep your Soy crap! No one gives a shit about tofu and soy juice! So if you going veg eat or even vegan that’s nice but keep it to yourself. And don’t even get me started on stevia! If you want something to be sweet, use sugar, if you don’t like sugar, don’t sweeten it! It’s like caffeine free coffee and alcohol free beer: Joyless fun!

I’m certain, if you follow the suggestions, your health will either improve or at least be safe from harm by your fellow human beings