Posts tagged ‘toiletpaper’

Complimentary Newspaper…

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Flipping through a complimentary newspaper on a Sunday is a fun adventure sometimes.

THIS is the winner of the 2012 interior innovation award.

The WINNER.

Two things here.
A. What repulsive pieces of trash were submitted, but rejected?
B. The flowchart of tastelessness is as follows:
1. the people who designed this. As we are in the 21st century, I have to assume it was not just ONE person, but a conglomerate of people. Probably some studio or “bureau” of “artists”…
2. the folks who approved of this “design” and gave a green light for production, ignoring the malignent tumors forming on their cornea.
3. advertising department “people” calling this ensemble of poles and barrs innovative,  and entering the design into a contest.
4. the committee awarding the IIA to this piece.
5. the degenerates in the press who decided to print (and praise) this with terms like “Design-Highlight”.
Four years later.
Maybe 6. people who read this, and went out to waste their money on some metal and “polystone”, just to have a nifty new holding aparatus for the material they wipe shit from their asses with…

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Life ain’t that hard, (public) toilets.

Problems with public toilets have been a reoccurring theme in our society.

As usual I am here to help!

It is simple:
•Excrete your feces into the bowl and leave them there.
•Urinate into the bowl, or the Urinal. Unsteady stream? Sit down.
•Wiping is done utilising toilet paper, not bare hands, socks or other things.
•Regurgitate directly into the bowl if possible.
•Ejaculate into a piece of toilet paper, nowhere else, if you are alone, that is.
•Bleeding, change your tampon, or call an ambulance, but don’t bleed freely everywhere.
•Flush. No, seriously, FLUSH!
•This is a no smoking area, there’s  methane in the air!
•Shooting yourself up with drugs is never good, but particularly bad here.

Print this out if you need or want to.

One last word of advice:
Feces, Urine, Vomit, Semen, Blood – none of these are an accepted source for painting the stall and ceiling over with. If you have uncontrollable artistic urges, bring a sharpie.
If you want to experiment with your fetishes, do it at home or a close friend’s house. Really close.

Life ain’t that hard, see?

Take care,
A.

Passive aggressive Kitty

Someome, somewhere, harbours a hatred for Hello Kitty with a ferocity of a pschotic maniac, yet the restraints of intellect like any civilised person.

That person obviously is in charge of handling the licensing of Hello Kitty products.

How do I know? Well, some time ago I stumbled upon this item here.
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Hello Kitty Babypowder scented kitty litter, although Hello Kitty isn’t a cat, someone gave the license away so real felines can defecate in it.

Odd, slightly annoying and certainly not for real cats, despite the claims on the box.
But at that point in time, okay.

Then I came upon this.
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Hello Kitty toilet paper.

So real people could wipe the remains of feces away with it.

The passive aggressive hatred towards Hello Kitty that is displayed with these two products (especially in combination), speaks volumes after volumes.

My question is, who on this earth (or in that company) is dumb enough to let the one individual on the planet that hates Hello Kitty that much, handle the licensing?
Whats next?
Hello Kitty – Laxatives?
Hello Kitty – Portable Toilets?
Hello Kitty – Nuclear Missiles?

In any case, I’m looking forward to more of these insane products. Keep your eyes open for the Crappy Birthdays.

Take care,
A.