Posts tagged ‘ugly’

Crappy Birthday in July

Imagine the “majestic” flamingo, perched on a pedestal of guano, one foot dangling to the ground. 


That wonderful hideousness can be yours to drive relatives and acquaintances over the edge for the lo lo price of 2.95€. Cheese factor is over 9000.

Crappy Birthday, A.

Complimentary Newspaper…

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Flipping through a complimentary newspaper on a Sunday is a fun adventure sometimes.

THIS is the winner of the 2012 interior innovation award.

The WINNER.

Two things here.
A. What repulsive pieces of trash were submitted, but rejected?
B. The flowchart of tastelessness is as follows:
1. the people who designed this. As we are in the 21st century, I have to assume it was not just ONE person, but a conglomerate of people. Probably some studio or “bureau” of “artists”…
2. the folks who approved of this “design” and gave a green light for production, ignoring the malignent tumors forming on their cornea.
3. advertising department “people” calling this ensemble of poles and barrs innovative,  and entering the design into a contest.
4. the committee awarding the IIA to this piece.
5. the degenerates in the press who decided to print (and praise) this with terms like “Design-Highlight”.
Four years later.
Maybe 6. people who read this, and went out to waste their money on some metal and “polystone”, just to have a nifty new holding aparatus for the material they wipe shit from their asses with…

T minus 16

Kill it with fire!Quick! Kill it with fire before it can lay eggs! Slay the beast before your soul is consumed by it’s malevolent grin!

I want to beat that smirk off the face of this creature, it’s ugliness only rivaled by JarJar Binks and the monkey from Lost in Space.
But I know why it is smirking like this: For anyone who buys it, that smirk is a constant reminder that they have wasted money on such a hiddeous thing! Seriously, this is better than a guard dog! Any burgular who breaks into your apartment stops in front of this things, crying, pooping and vomitting at the same time – law inforcement can just pick the culprit up and take him away.

If you have people you truly, TRULY hate – this is the perfect gift. Like a never ending backhand slap in the face this creature will stand in their living room constantly reminding of your newly inflamed feud.

T minus 17

Eye cancerPendant “Origin”

From the website of the distributor (translated):
This extraordinarily beautiful, partially golden pendant with a red circonia symbolizes the glowing power of the sun inside us

Well.
It is NOT beautiful. It causes eye cancer. If you modify it a bit, however, it can show you the way to the lost arch of the covenant.
If you need proof of the power of the sun inside you, feel your pulse. Everything that you eat, it’s possible through the sun! Sunlight makes plants grow, and water liquid. Animals eat plants and drink water. We eat plants, animals and drink water. Your living is due to the sun. Your pulse is due to the sun.
There. No ugly pendant necessary. But if you want to make your ex rue the day you two met even more – here’s a nice present to them. 🙂

(Note: This is the first of a few items from WELTBILD.AT, if you had seen all that junk they sell there [vibrators; book porn like 50 shades], you’d be pretty surprised to learn that it is owned by the catholic church! Just an FYI…)