Posts tagged ‘unhealthy’

Caffeine (comedy)

One of these days I’m gonna drop dead.

I’ll just stop breathing, and tumble over.

They will discover then that I have no more blood in my system, but pure undiluted caffeine!
Curious how I survived to the point of my death they’re gonna start an autopsy, just when placing the scalpel for the first incision I’ll wake up, screaming!
They’ll ask “How do you live?” to which I’ll reply “What do you mean ‘How do I live?’ I just DO! How DO YOU live??”
“You ain’t got no blood, only caffeine pumping through your veins!”
“Then why do feel tired all the time?” even more curious they’ll want to cut me open anyway, to which I’ll say “You can’t! You fracking can’t! There is no sufficient caffeine transfusion to keep me alive and you Frackers swore an oath to protect life!” then I’ll hook up a can of RedBull to my veins and run off.

‘Cause you see, sleep is a commodity that many can’t afford these days.
Myself very well included.

Ask doctors, and they’ll tell you that eight hours a night is healthy, and just what you should get.
Frak you!
If I want eight hours of sleep I’d need to go to bed at 9pm! But there’s too much left to do at 9pm!

First of all my baby needs feeding, bathing, change of diapers. Then my wife needs (my) time too, something she sadly doesn’t get enough of as of late. Don’t forget – watering the plants, wlaking the dog, dishes, laundry, and tidying up a little.
Go to bed at 9 pm and you’ll vomit in your pyjamas the next morning when you see the mess in the kitchen.

So, no. No sleep at 9pm, bugger off. In the meanwhile I’ll keep substituting sleep with coffee transforming myself slowly but steadily from a “Homo Sapiens Sapiens” into a “Homo Sapiens Caffeinis” – something like a zombie, only aware and only harmful to coffee and energy drinks…Who needs oygen when you have sugar? Who needs nutrients when you’ve got caffeine? ;Þ

Seeds

Seeds!

“I’ll give you half of my seeds, you give me half of yours…oh wait, we can’t – it’s illegal!”

Before you say I’m posting something out of a dystopian story I either read or wrote – no, this is real.
At least halfway. Not yet ratified this is a law in the making from the European Union.

It calls for standardized fruits and vegetables – and hence only certified seeds – so consumers won’t get confused. If we the consumers are that demented, we deserve to be cheated!

All this is about, is to increase the profits of large seed providing companies! It wouldn’t surprise me if behind the majority of bribe money lobbying is Monsanto the-company-that-shall-not-be-named.

This law, should it ever become reality, is the definite end of small breeds.
Let’s say some small Styrian apples.

The farmer can’t even give away (for free!) seeds to other farmers, or friends, or people who would like to plant one solitary apple tree in their garden.
Why?
Because the consumer might get confused. O.o

If the allow only certified sorts viri, fungi and pests have it relatively easy to wipe out the majority of our food supply. But if all pesticides fail there is still the holy grail of the seed companies: GMOs!

Naturally killing/driving off the pests, viri, fungi and bacteria – so we can injest poison!
Large quantities of delicious looking, watery tasting, fast grown poison.
Bon apetit!

But hey, pharma industry gotta live off of something too.

Yes this sounds like a conspiracy theory, I know, and I apologize for the lunacy that might be through this post, but that is the law-in-the-making from the EU shining through.

Making it illegal for farmers to sell their styrian apples to spanish customers in spain – I get that. They want apples from their region, or “standard” apples.

Making it illegal to sell said apples outside a certain radius from where they’re grown – still understandable, but not quite as well.

Making it illegal for them to be sold locally, and for farmers to trade or sell seeds – lunacy.

Absolute, utter lunacy.

They want the small breeds wiped out so everyone has to use the shit the companies have to sell.

It is common practice by the-company-that-shall-not-be-named to contractually forbid farmers to let their crops grow to maturity in order to collect seeds.

It also forbidden for salad farmers in my country to do so.

If, however, a bee, a bird, or the frakking wind carries a seed of GMO plants to MY field from Farmer Johnstons GMO field, the-company-that-shall-not-be-named is suing ME for license fees! Which brings me to the question: My Mother in law has an apple tree in her garden, a few branches extend out on the sidewalk – should someone take an apple from the sidewalk and plant the seeds – can she sue them? Or is she the culprit for not containing her vile, evil, natural, non-standard appleseeds? At least my son will know REAL apples.

Now, I don’t want to sound paranoid, but this is the first step to widespread application of GMOs. Monopoles being erected, or at least prepared. Monocultures in the making, demanding high prized fertilizer, etc.

If we ever have to face a Zombie Apocalypse, it stems from the GMOs that mutate us into Zombies.

I just hope I get as lucky as Zed…

A.

Addendum: After watching a documentary I have to urge to read labels more closely. If it is so safe to eat GMOs I have an idea: Grab all the CEOs of the-company-that-shall-not-be-named and others like it, and force feed them GMOs ONLY for a year. If they survive (and I want to stress the IF here) and they’re healthy, I will shut up. But I’d take up any bet that these people are eating organic / GMO free stuff ONLY.