Posts tagged ‘walk’

Vaping

Imagine you’re walking a street – any innocuous urban street – and about two meters in front of you walk two guys.
In the olden times they’re regular old smokers. They smoke as they walk. You would’ve gotten a whiff of their smoke and to a degree you could even tell the brand. At least whether they’re smoking cheap or expensive tobacco.
These days, they vape. As they walk. You get a cloud of scented shit in your face. The artificial chemical approximation of ‘apple’, or ‘vanilla’, or something else that it doesn’t smell like.
We get it.
You vape.
It’s hip these days. But here’s a suggestion to all you vapers out there: grow a lung and either smoke like everyone else, or don’t smoke like everyone else.
But this steam bullshit ain’t going to cut it.
Research showed it is just as chock full of poison as traditional smoking, and you look like a colossal dipshit doing it.
The clouds you leave behind smell like a unicorn fucked a potpourri turned into vapor.
Seriously.
Stop.
This is vegan sausage all over again.
Either you want to be a vegan, OR you eat sausage. Either you smoke, OR you don’t.
Decide. But don’t try to dance on both weddings at the same time, ruining the fun for everyone.
Take care,
A.
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Life ain’t that hard, Escalate and Elevate

It is simple, both devices take you from one floor to another. And for both you don’t need a PhD in theoretical physics.

Look, it’s simple:
★ Escalators, are basically stairs that go up, or go down:
•stand on the right
•walk on the left
•don’t sit on the handrail and don’t be surprised to plummet to your death if you do
•tie your Shoelaces beforehand, or else they may get caught in the thing
•don’t “run” in the opposite direction staying stationary
•watch your step upon stepping on and off the thing
•no pram, bike, wheelchair, dog or unicorn on this

★Elevators, these cabins of death move vertically, not yet in the horizontal plane, or diagonally, it is bets to sing “Oh lord, what is I gon’ do?” upon entry, and keep these in mind:
•I can’t stress the importance of doors.
•press button of desired target floor
•don’t: fart, defecate, urinate, spit, litter, fuck, vomit…eat, drink…deal with or consume drugs, murder people or animals, make or play music, apply deodorant/perfume/cologne…or worst of all: converse.
•upon exit, don’t press (all) other floor buttons
•someone approaches the elevator, hold the door open, don’t close it on them (or let it happen)
•no silly creepypasta games. Ever.
•it is not funny to press the emergency button
•in case the elevator gets stuck, press the emergency button, and remain calm, take long breaths
•IN CASE OF FIRE THE SHAFT ACTS LIKE A CHIMNEY, so DON’T use it…
•if it has one, do not press the STOP button

Now that this is cleared up, we can take the stairs…
•don’t put flowers on them, buy a shelf you cheap frak
•don’t sit there like homeless people, get a couch you cum stain…

Take care,
A.