Posts tagged ‘washing’

LATH Hand washing

Recently they exchanged the old soap dispenser in our office.

Instead of the sleek old one, where you pulled the lever to get some soap out, we now have one to push and it squirts out some foam.

So far, so shitty.

But. Apparently they think we’ve gotten so dumb from computer virus infections WE got, that we don’t know how to wash our hands anymore, or as if we haven’t been taught in preschool and/or by our (grand)parents.

No. We stupid keyboard monkeys need PICTOGRAMS to show us!

Listen, life really ain’t that hard: soap, hands, rub, rinse. Unless you’re a surgeon, then it’s more complicated, but for the rest of us, this’ll do.

If you have any defense for the pictogram soap dispenser, keep it in a dark orifice of your body.
Grown people, working at an office, shouldn’t need this.
People who are old enough to make financial decisions/transactions at a mall, shouldn’t need this.
No-one who is old enough to go to the restroom alone, should have need of this!

But in light of recent news stories, SJW issues, election results, and the overall state the western world is in, I guess these pictograms don’t penetrate far enough in our society…

Take care,
A.

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Life ain’t that hard, laundry

Have you ever wondered what to do, surrounded by mountains of stained underwear and trousers that stood all by themselves?

It ain’t rocket science, people, it’s fairly simple:
1. Go through your dirty laundry, look for anything woolen, knitted, silk – burn it! That shit needs special attention, and we don’t do special treatments!
2. Divide the rest into two piles: brights and darks. If you are not sure whether something is bright or dark, it’s dark.
3. Take the first pile to the laundry machine, and fill the drum. DO NOT STUFF IT!
4. Fill in detergent, take antibacterial one, or else step 2 needs more steps. If using liquid detergent, take a cap full, if it’s the powder, take a third of that enclosed measuring shovel. Anything else is already portioned.
5. Drying. On the label there ought to be a square with a circle,  if it is crossed out, hang the piece. Drying rack, clothes line, noose, I don’t care.
Everything else – tumble dryer! If ot has the label OK and a print on it (Band T-Shirts for example), turn it inside out (or “from the left” as the jargon goes)
6. Ironing … you pretentious prick, can’t get enough, can you? Alright, because I am service oriented: Ironing, set up the board, turn on the iron, put item on the board, iron. DON’T LEAVE THE HOT IRON ON A PIECE!

See?
Ain’t that a breeze? Now go and wash yourself….
Oh.
My.
Gods….

A.

Crappy Birthday in June

image

If your entire family has birthdays this month, then you’re in luck!

I present you, the unholy trinity of crap!

A plush toy for kids with no imagination, the DVD for people with no life, and the room spray for families with no taste.

Yes it’s a plush roast chicken, with detachable legs, on a velcro spot. A thing I wouldn’t have wanted to play with as a kid, as I couldn’t eat it. For the very same reason I hated plastic fruit. Playing make believe is one thing, creating roast chicken plushies is another.

Then the DVD, laundry machine impressions. It is exactly what you think it is.
Laundry machines, … washing laundry! If watching paint dry is too riveting, here’s the answer!

Finishing off this month with the Chicken Soup RoomSpray.
What can I say that hasn’t been said millions of times? Imagine entering the bog after your uncle Rob had a particularly nasty dump, and your nostrils are pleasantly surprised to find the odor of chicken soup lingering in the air! Makes rubbing one out that much more pleasant!
In addition, try imagining if this roomspray was advertised for like a Calvin Kline perfume. Two skinny mouthbreathing people who only speak in whispers: “Desire meets the tastebuds. Chicken and hunger. Passion and the soup. Chicken for nose, soulfood in the air.”
Crappy Birthday!