Posts tagged ‘Water’

6th January 2017

2016 defecated.
I gotta clean it up.
19th Dec a waterline in our bathroom broke – we have no shower, wall and floor now need to dry (with machine help).
Our home smells oddly, noisy, is dirty and so, we fled to a posh hotel.

No true story here.

Next week (if the universe grants me a few minutes to breathe) I will return with posts.

Take care, A.

Life ain’t that hard, drinking!

No, not that kind of drinking.
The one that doesn’t involve alcohol.

If you’re like me, then the suggested, supposedly “healthy”, dose of at least 2 liters of water per day is an unbearble summer reading assignment, equal to having to read war and peace over the weekend and write a paper on it.

Look, life ain’t that hard, in order to keep “hydrated” and healthy, just follow this simple guideline:
1. Nature blessed us with a sense that alerts us if we need to drink: THIRST! If you’re thirsty, drink. If not, don’t pump more stuff in. If that results in 0.5 liters a day, that’s fine, your body seems to not need any more.
2. The urban legend of coffee (or caffeinated drink) dehydrating the body keeps getting passed around like a nasty STD. Were it to be true, I would look like a desert mummy from the Andes! I don’t. I’m healthy and alive. So keep drinking it, even to quench your thirst.
3. Once your piss starts to be colourless, stop drinking so much. You’re not a fountain.

There. A concise list on how to drink healthily.

If by any chance you give in to the pressure and give this shit of drinking at least 2 litres of non-alcoholic and non-caffeinated stuff a try, and then someone asks you, after a week, whether you feel any better – piss on them.
That’s the only feeling that I have, since starting this trial run: the urge to pee every fifteen minutes.

Take care,
A.

Life ain’t that hard, gardening

Having a garden, or sufficiently large balcony to pot some plants, might get you to try your hand at gardening.
But if you listen to the people who do it, it sounds like fraking rocket science. Especially the hippy type characters who run a gardening blog or shit like that.

Life ain’t that hard, it’s simple. Really it is, plants have been on land longer than any animal has, so that shit knows how to propagate, right?

Step 1 – take your seed or seedling that you obtained from a trusted source of your discretion, put it in soil. Boom. Finished.
Step 2 – care for it like you would a pet. Give it some daylight (you’ll either figure it out how much, or have just one option on your balcony), plenty of water (don’t drown it, don’t dry it up) and
Step 3 – feed it. Yes, feed it. Fertiliser! Either purchase some of your choosing, or make your own (kitchen scraps, anything that decomposes but if you are smell aware, don’t use meat, diary products or the like. Plants are essentially cannibals.)
Step 4 – Plants. Reap your harvest, or enjoy your pretty flowers, what have you.
Step 5 – Rinse and Repeat. Unless you have perennials.

There, saved you a ton of browsing through the internet and getting confused by the Hippies. If anyone tries to shove shit down your pipe about gardening, referr them to this list.
Consise, and true.

PS:
Step 6 (throw it in there somewhere) – Pest control. Unless you are running a farm, trie and use natural pest control. ladybugs eat mites. Salt kills and deterrs snails. And so on. Don’t whip out the “nukes” unless you make a living off of your gardening.

Have fun,
A.

Beating the Hippies, Beast of the Number

Yeah, this is about the “number magic” some of these New Age Witchpeople…uhm… “practice”.

To give you an impression of how much shit they’ve got on their shelves:

They write down a series of numbers (f.e.: 16, 22, 13, 5, 78) called a code, on a piece of paper, put a jug of perfectly fine, clean, drinkable tap water on it and wait.
For what?
For the “code” to work, to purify the water, or energise it, or something.

After a few minutes the jug’s content is ready to be drunk, and the paper with the code, is now to be thrown away (or ritualistically burned).
Whether that code would scare- or whisk away any real threats, like e.coli, out of murky water, I don’t know.
These snivelling shits only suffer from “upper middle class, first world problems”.
How do I know?
Easy, other fields of work for this malpractice of paper wasting and number abuse is, (amongst infinitely more) Chemtrail busting.
Hence their codes never were field tested with e.coli ridden waters!

“And it really, REALLY works!!!!111onetyone”
-Hippie

No.
No it doesn’t Moonraybutterfly. Numbers don’t filter or cleanse water. Otherwise we wouldn’t need “bigSewage” with their treatment plants…

Look, people, like your problems, your solutions are made up.
I already have explained arbitrary dates, that don’t phaze the universe and grander powers (if existent) at play, and now I have to go at this?

Okay! Here we go again!

Numbers, or codes as you call it, are about as magical, as turds floating on rivers of piss. Translate the base10 numbers you’re using into – lets say, hexadecimal – you’re screwed.

Let’s play with the most known magical number – 666

Roman numeral system: DCLXVI
Hexadecimal system: 29A
Binary: 1010011010

Not so menacing anymore, is it?

You do this with all your stupid “magic” “holy” or “unholy” numbers and your hokuspokus flies apart at the speed of light.
Numbers don’t cleanse your water, they do not disolve contrails, they don’t empower you pecker, don’t unblock your colon and won’t help you in any way shape or form. (Except the right ones on a lottery ticket)

Don’t any of you mathematical imbeciles dare say “But numbers are universal!!!! Foar the entire Universe!!!!11”
They’re not. (Pi is, I grant you that)
Our numbering system is based on 10 due to our 10 fingers. Imagine Aliens with twelve fingers.
Like Hexadecimal, after 10 comes 1A, and 1B, before you switch over to 11! 
Numbers are arbitrary. Sure, there is a definitive mass to a standard Hydrogen atom, but whether you call it 1H as a base for a new unit, or base that mass as a (n arbitrarily numbered) fraction of something (arbitrary) else (grams? ounces? mol?) is all riding the randomly chosen number roller coaster again.

So no. Numbers are not universal.
Numbers are not magical.
There are no “codes”. At least no magical ones.

Take care,
A.

PS: If above example code yields proven results, I demand credit and royalties ;þ

PPS: If you are now trying that code for various shit my code already worked…it lured in gullible twits.

Crappy Birthday in September

image

This is the perfect gift for people who overcomplicate everything, including and especially taking a dump.

If your victimfriend likes the feeling of warm toilet seats (aka touching asses) and has to crap in a badly heated glass box so a feet warmer and discreet panel illumination are just their thing, and they like to s(h)it for hours on the bog listening to music, getting their buttholes (or in case of female friends, their vaginas) massaged by an oscillating/pulsating bidet stream – go for it.

image

6,650.00$ is a price readily paid to give someone you hatelove the displeasure of this square-ish toilet.

Just ask in advance if the bog is e-mailing or twittering the times and durations, as well as chosen bidet programs for each individual user. The world has, after all, a right to know.

Have a crappy birthday, quite literally,
A.

Water (again)

Right now, we living in the EU, mostly enjoy clena water that is coming out of the tap. Some areas are less lucky, but hey. The EU is working on it.

Or are they?

I might sound paranoid, and might have to join forces with the hippies I so detest, but I fear that luxury is soon to come to an end. The TTIP agreement might frak us all in the rear with our clean water. Why? Well, look at the US for a warning example.

Communities had water coming to them, they had to clean it (with tax dollars) and then put it in the pipes. You could drink water directly from the tap. Good.
Then those services were shut down gradually. To save spening they no-doubtedly said. I tell you the real reasons. Companies selling bottled water (Coke, Pepsi, Nestlé, andsoon) wanted to make money. So they bribed lobbied some politicians and they had their way with it. Now you ppor people have to go to the store and BUY water.

TTIP and the dangers that may come with it, could mean exactly the same fate for us europeans. The bottling companies will see our clean, and relatively free, water as a problem, they’ll go to the “courts” and say they expected more income, and thus are suing us. Then the governments will have to gradually lower our water quality, until we have to BUY water in the store.

Not being allowed to collect rain water (in the US) is another sign that this is the way it went down! Rainwater is flushed in the sewer system, so it is NOT going to the aquafier. Why not collect it and use it for irrigation, or if you have filters for drinking? MONEY! Rain water is for free. You’re not paying your water prividing servies, nor are you buying any in the supermarket. Thus, it’s illegal!

A small reminder to you US citizens: if your water reservoir is ABOVE ground and deer, people and what not can shit and pee in it – don’t drink it. Because someone WILL defecate into it. (or drop shit into the water that is not good for you)
Underground, enclosed reservoirs. Yes. (Unless there’s a “fracking site” nearby, then avoid drinking anything and move away as far as you can, as soon as you can)

Now, let’s go to the tap and get some water.

Cheers!
A.

What’s so special?

There is something I don’t get about the currently most fought over countries and territories on earth.

ISIS want’s to errect a califate in IRaq and Syria. Mostly consisting of DESERT.
BokoHaram wan’t an islamic state in Nigeria. Mostly consisting of DESERT.Isreal and the west bank – mostly DESERT!
Crusaders wanted the same territory currently being Israel – DESERT AGAIN!

I’m sorry to say this, christians, muslims and jews – you’re all NUTS! What do you want in the god damn desert? If I were to call a strip of land holy, it’d be a place filled with lush forests, rivers, mountains with glaciers on it, herds of boars, orchards that need little to no irrigation, etc. A litteral PARADISE! That would be my holy land, you nutjobs can keep your deserts.

What is there in the desert?
Loneliness?
You can get that in a lush forest or a mountaintop. For the love your gods and mother nature – fight over/for a REAL place to live! NOT THE GOD DAMN DESERT!

You wonder why some people view you religious people as totally insane lunatics? BECAUSE YOU FIGHT OVER SAND! Not for water, food, live giving resources, BUT SAND!
God is all nice and if you want to die for your belief, okay, but NOT TO LIVE IN THE DAMN DESERT!

So, unless you realise that the desert is no place to live (ever wonder why they go through regime’s in the middle east faster than through a pack of tictacs? DESERT!), your endeavours are doomed.

A.