Posts tagged ‘youtube’

Advertising, again

Advertisers the world over celebrate the fact that I’m not in power of a world wide government.

Why?

Because I would outlaw advertising.

But that isn’t what irked me to do today’s post.

It was a cross promotion I was bothered with on YouTube lately.

A Star Wars Solo and Car cross promotion.

First off, if your goated to see that good awful movie because of this, all hope for you is lost. All hope for you lineage is lost.

Secondly, if you’re prompted to purchase that car because the advertising was affiliated with Star Wars… then get into that car, start the engine, find a nice steel reinforced concrete wall, and drive into it at top speed.

I know, the advertising sluts are banking on the cliche nerds in their mid thirties to early forties, who had to move out of their parents basement and now need/want a car. But they fail to realize that THOSE Star Wars nerds, HATE the new movies.

All in all it is a sign of failure.

You buy that ticket, you lose (money and time).

You buy that car, you lose (money and dignity).

You made this advert, you lost (dignity, money, trust, customers, time)

Really, I hope that everyone involved in this gets some repugnant skin disease that mutilates their faces for eternity.

Take care, and stop advertising, really.

A.

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Life ain’t that hard, Livestreams

Here’s how to do Livestreams:
Step 1: Don’t.
Step 2: “Hold on, you’re one of those blogging types, what could you possibly know about…”
Step 3: Shut your face and pay attention!

Livestreams are becoming increasingly popular in the last year(s).
Yes, I noticed.

And here’s where the problem arises.

It’s the whole soiled pants situation we had with TV back in the day – people having to schedule their lives according to the program.
Which was crap.
It’s why we invented the god damn VCR, to free ourselves from external schedules!
Decades later the internet was big enough, stable enough, fast enough.

Enter streaming.

We now coul watch what we want, when we want, and in some cases even where we want, in all shades of legality.

So why does anybody think it to be a great idea to make a bloody lifestream??
Again some Schmuck is making a schedule that others are supposed to bend to.
So here is
Step 4: Record that shit, edit it, upload it. Done.

Livestreams, frak that shit.

Take care,

A.

Viva la revolucion?

As you may or may not know, in this day and age you are dead to the world if you’re not social networking at some place.
That is especially true, and important, if you, like me, need to lure unsuspecting souls to your den where they’re…err…I mean, if you need to advertise your blog, and engange in conversations.

Well. This is the root of the problem for me. As you by now know, I am bad at advertising, and as you might have guessed, I suck at being social.
But that is not the point of this post.

This is about the social networking sites out there, and their flaws. So, shall we?

Facebook, the obvious contender, is swarming with a crapzillion people.
People of all coleur, age, sex and gender. Anti Vaxxers, Muslim terrorists, Christian proto Terrorists, and a crapton of idiots more. The “groups” are tacked on, treated like a wart, and not noteworthy. The app is less an app but more of a spy tool. Hastags suck on Facebook, as they were poorly ported from twitter.
“Facebook, our motto is: eat shit – 5 trillion flies can’t err.”

google+, although finally buzzing with life, it is not that well received. And it never will replace FB, why? Because it’s mandatory!
Wanna use YouTube? Google+
Wanna have a Birthday mural? Google+
People don’t like stuff that is mandatory. Even though this has groups, it stinks because of the mandatory nature. If school was optional, not mandatory, there’d be no bullies, kids would love it, and they’d learn. Think about that google, think about that….

Twitter, the site that made hastags popular! That is what I love about this. What I hate? THE BLEEDING CHARACTER LIMIT! Who came up with this shitty idea? I accept that the length of the message needs to be restricted, but the length that you’re giving us, is too friggin’ short!
Also, no groups.

Tumblr, why do you people hate groups?
Really, I’m flipping over this. Back on MySpace, bevore the revolutionaries castrated it, you had friggin groups. Public ones, private ones. What do the most popular sites have in that respect – nill. Facebook has tacked it on like a second head, google+ doesn’t know that group content should stay in the bloody group and not on my general timeline, twitter has nothing of the sort, and tumblr….oh….back on track

Tumblr, good for pictures, good for porn. There’s really not much else I can say about it.
Except maybe WHERE ARE GROU…search functions are good, and the tags can be followed.

LinkedIn, Frak this spooky shite!
Without giving that thing permission to search my contacts or anything, it suggests to me some teachers from my evening school.
So far, so scary, but good.
But then, out of no where, without me disclosing ANY details to my workplace, it suggests a member of the management team as a connection.

Frak no!

I am not working someplace where you could say it fits my interests. I’m working at my office because it brings me money.
Period. So how it got that information about me, I do not know.

Other than the spooky nature, it is a decent site. It has groups. Check. It has a search function. Check. It looks right, but feels wrong. At least to me.
Thank the gods for the use of an Alias!

Path, it’s funny you know? I could be classified as a hoarder. WordPress shows me that it can publicise to Path, I need to have path.
But there are issues I have with this. Search function, is well, hidden. Hashtags, unless you have those hashtags in your timeline, frak the hashtags. It says that there are no results. (And #comedy should be around somewhere. Right?) There is no desktop version of this crap. None. What so ever. So you have to use the app, and it looks & feels broken. Or unfinished. Anyone interested in connecting with me on Path? Just message me…I’m so lonely on Path…

VK, leave me alone. I do not want to give you my phone number. Sod off.
Besides, once you DO give up your number it is filled with Russians. So unless you can read Russian, this is no place to go.

MeWe, now here is a serious revolutionary.
A patient revolutionary.
Privacy, check.
Groups, check.
You can even set your profile for each group individually. Customisability, somewhat check. There is a search function and it is easy to grasp. The (android) app is sadly still in development, so the function to browse open groups is only available in web version, but hey. Good things take time. Unlike,

Tsū, which is a rushed, and now broken beyond repair, revolutionary.
The buzz was loud and far spread. People flocked to Tsū and it seemed as if the revolution against Fecesbook was finally taking place: Hashtags? Yes. Search function? Yes. Revenue back to the users as promised? Nope!
Only reposts; reposts of reposts of reposts got you some dough. Original content, which was supposed to be the shit on there – no money. What about group…frak it.
There’s still a few people and advertisers on there, but the masses have deserted, or defected, the “huge” revolution. Needless to say, I had joined the band wagon, for during the last revolution, I had stuck to the old, the losing side. Which brings me to,

MySpace, no. I’m not talking about the Capon that is left now after the Facebook revolution.
The old one.
The one where you had your blog, your groups, your friends, your friends newsfeed, your music, and 100% customisable profile all rolled into one.
THAT was dope. But then people left. Groups disappeared. Not the people of the groups until they faded into obscurity mind you, but the group function – poof. Gone. The revolution had struck: the king is dead, long live the king. Mark usurped Tom.
And why? Because we hate convenience (all in one), and like change (something shiny and new). We hate individualism (100% customisable profile on MySpace), and love conformity (back in the day not in the least customisable profile on FB; Not that the top image is that dope on customisability…).
What is left now is a poor haunting ghost of the former MySpace. The Logo is still there, but the rest – crap. And the app is matching the crappyness.

Well, you will see me around. On all of the above. If there are new ones, I will try them out, ad them to my collection of social networks.
Suggestions are always welcome, and connections as well. Have a nice one,
A.

PS: To give you an idea of how dead the revolutionary tsū is, here’s a screenshot:
image

If even the advertiser rats are leaving, it is a sure sign that the boat is not only sinking, but already sunk to rest next to the Titanic…

Irregular annoyed post 25 March 2015

Brightly lit day, I’d estimate it to be somewhen between 10am and 1 pm:
A dude rides on a Bike, a Bartender at an open air Bar opens a bottle with orange booze in it, next to the “on” Mic for an orange speaker-system in the street.
Orange booze is poured in glasses with fresh ice in them.
Bike-guy steals an orange hat from a girl conversing with another girl at a table in front of a Café. As she follows he rings his bell.
More booze is poured in ice filled glasses.
A stack of boxes containing oranges on a cart is rolling down a street, people (dude with ridicoulus hair; woman in “summerdress”) run after it. As the cart is forced to a stop by an obstacle, two women eagerly catch the oranges using bags (plastic by the looks of it).
Later these people (chasers and catching women) calmly walk down a sidewalk, passing oranges between them by throwing.
Different people steal orange hopping balls from an open delivery truck, smiling like exceptional individuals. Delivery guy sees this, laughs and takes two of the balls for himself, running after them while they are hopping down the road on said balls.
Booze in glasses is now handed out to some people (IN BROAD DAYLIGHT).
Suddenly the balls are baloons filled with “lighter than air” gass, people with booze-glasses walk joyfully around the baloons and several shelves (!) of identical bottles with the orange booze.
A dude on a bike (bike guy from before?) tows an orange sofa by. More booze drinking people, on the sofa and off.
All the while an annoying french song is playing.

Did you guess what it is?
Yes, the overly annoying Aperol advertising.

STOP GIVING ME THE SAME CRAP OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN ON YOUTUBE!

I never have tasted Aperol, and thanks to this advert – I NEVER WILL! So shove it!

If you could rage quit youtube, I’d do it atm.

Take care and drink ANYTHING BUT APEROL!

All this rage inducing shite aside, did you think about what your advert is telling people? THAT THESE PEOPLE HAVE ALCOHOL PROBLEMS! They hear a Bartender (pusher) open a bottle and stream in droves to the bar to get their fix IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY! How can these people get drunk that early? Aperol! “Joy is contagious!” Yeah, contagiously stupid.

Now stop doing idiotic adverts, and for the love the gods – stop dishing out the same advert thousands of times…

A.

From Zero to Hero, from Fame to Fail. (beating the virtual pt. 5)

Beforehand let me tell you, I am not belitteling the work some people had put into their “fame”.
I have told that to a fellow YouTuber who was critizing a certain YouTube celebrity for being a sell-out. The creator in question had built up a nice business, with himself as the star. It was quite some work, and as far as I know, it was quite by accident, since he wanted to do something entirely different originally.
I respect that. I respect the work and effort, I do not envy him, and by far am I not in a position to critizie him. To do that I would have to show something for myself.
And I have not much to show for.

Even if, it was the decision of these people, of that creator in question. The commenter had nothing to show for himself either.

But!

I have to say that I have seen some people rise to fame on the net through the work they did, and they did it for the love they had for their work.
Any person who loves doing what they do, whether they become famous or not, deserves my respect, and to a certain degree, my loyalty. But as soon as the love gets pushed aside for the money, or the love for money, my loyalty crumbles away.
I dislike corporate sell-outs.
Yes, it is the free market, and the decision of these people, as many of them invest quite some money into their passion, it is only legitimate that they get some in return. But being annoyed the fuck out of my skull by 30 seconds of unskippable advertising before a video is making all respect I have/had vanish.

These people rose from basement located, single webcam using, talkers to entertainers who have several cameras, expensive equipement and quite a viewer base. – same thing goes for bloggers, minus the camera and expensive equipement (unless you’re foolish enough to buy Mac).
From zero to hero!

And now they think they can torment the viewers they had worked so hard for with mediocre, sometimes outright bad, videos (posts) and a ton of advertising. There is merchandise with their logos and feces[KILL] faces all over it (Spaceballs, anyone?) and we’re supposed to buy it. Flush money down the drain.
From fame to fail.

I am writing this with the full knowledge that I will never be as famous as they are, and even if, I’m way to weary of the consequences if I sell out.
Sure, it’d be fine to see my name on a book, not as an author of ONE story in an anthology (again), but as the ONLY author. I’d give a lot for that, but I decided to publish it here. There are things I leave out of the online publications (brutality, sex, others), that I’d include in a printed version (or published where I’d get money for it). But the gist of it is here. And it’s only a little percentage I’m leaving out. (less than 1%)
I once met a gal who writes for money. And for money only, not because she loves writing, but because she can write.
Flawlessly I have to admit. It is always well structured, well developed, and all in all flawless. But it lacks one thing.
Something that I missed in all her work, something I miss in newer videos of the people I talked about above – soul.
Form without function. To twist the phrase “Never judge a book by it’s cover” I’d have to say its all cover, but no book.

Just turn your attention to Hollywood,
I’d watch a crappy B-Movie, with bad actors, bad special effects that would make the 60s SFX departments look glorious, and cheesy oneliners but a GOOD story, rather than a 3 hour CGI fuckfest, A-List actors and directors, without one.
So I have to say:
Sloppy writing but good story – I’ll read it.
Crappy videos with a shaky cam but lots of heart and soul put into it – I’ll watch it.
B-Movie but a good story – I’ll see it.
And for all of these I’d even pay money, rather than a highly develeoped product with no content.

“If you’re good something, never do it for free.” – agreed. I chose my payment to be the “Likes” here.
Can’t buy anything for it, but I’d rather be a liked, likeable, broke author/blogger, than a shiny object of “admiration” with no content and no soul in my work.

BTW: I like you folks.
The moment the first Zed Episode received the first like my heart skipped a beat, my day got better in that very instant, and my determination to continue on was cemented.
I had tried before, but it was desasterous. This was my last attempt to make it as a blogger. And you made it happen!
Even if I stick with the current 28 followers until the end of (my) time – I thank you.
All of you.
I like you.
All of you.

A.

Beating the virtual (pt.4)

reallyReally YouTube?

Really?

It isn’t enough that I am tormented with advertising to the right side of many videos, it isn’t enough that I have to click away a banner °inside° the video(frame), it isn’t enough that the advertising sluts are wiping their filthy asses with valuable seconds of my life BEFORE a video starts – NO.

Now I am getting a suggestion (!) for an ADVERTISMENT in my channelfeed and suggestion section.

Really?
Everywhere I turn I get advertising in my face. “Buy this toiletbowl scrubber it’ll improve your sexlife.” – really? “Yes really!”
You see, the advertising cretins are selling E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G with sex. I never understood the connection between a coffeemachine and a sexy female.
Having a new coffeemachine  didn’t ever help me getting any. (Yes such a series of ads were running here in Austria and Germany back in the late 80s and early 90s)
Shut up, sod off and die.

There so much crap being tossed at you in these advertisements – which proves that we decended from monkeys, we’re still a large group of feces flinging apes.

20 somthing woman: “Mom, I have a problem, I am constipated, do you know that feeling?”
No sweetie, she doesn’t. What you don’t know is that your mom had died giving birth to you and was replaced by an android, and an android has no idea what constipation feels like…OF COURSE SHE DOES! Cut the crap and go for the truth: “Mom I have constipation, any suggestions on how to get rid of it?”

The medicinal products, and health supporting products, that are all of a sudden popping (or pooping) up in the advertising aisle are baffling me. “Do you feel bloated after eating? Eat this Yoghurt and you will feel flattened, and become sexy!” Mentally I insert a loud and long farting sound at that point to illustrate the way it works. “Maaaan I feel stuffed, but this’ll help!” *chums-down-yoghurt* *faaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt* “Better! Bring the second Turkey mum!”

What bothers me the most is the advertisements using sex to sell a product that actually should help you get laid better/faster. “The false eyelash mascara, makes you irresistible.” I got bombarded with an ad on YouTube lately, I skipped it everytime so I have no clue what it is for in the end but it started like “Did you ever wonder why the women you are not interrested in are attracted to you, and the women you are interrested in aren’t?” *skip* – if I need your product or advise for that I shouldn’t be able to reproduce, in that case I think I would’ve forfitted my right to reproduce. Besides, all knowing admachine, I have a wife, we’re having a baby in July. Obviously I did something right.
“Plain hair on tuesday, curly hair on friday – your hair has to endure a lot of stress, the new heat protective …” WHO CARES?? Stop redoing your hair every other day, and while you are working on “Being recognizable” ditch the Flypeople sunglasses.
I hate these: “Hi, it’s me, don’T you recognize me?” Sorry, but I don’t know any flies. These shades cover half your frickin face, and you expect me to recognize you? If it were that simple Batman would’ve been recognized as Bruce Wayne a long time ago!

So YouTube tracks my movement across its site – good. Suggest shit I’d like, thanks.
But, YouTube is part of the google empire, hence YouTube knows, what google knows. I’m a male, I live in Austria, I fancy history, science, science fiction, fantasy, comedy, and more. So why would the suggested, targeted ad I got yesterday be for a feminine hair line product?
If you HAVE to be a pain in the ass, be one that is personalized.
At least gendered.
I certainly don’t need styling for plain hair by L’Oreal Austria!

Another trend in advertising I have noticed is going for the lowest common denominator. People get dumber all the time, dumber and dumber. I remember times when advertising was served with a highbrow, or with details about the product, but eversince the dentists-wives and -daughters said they recommend a certain toothpaste shit got worse. Really? They aren’t dentists, so why would I heed their recommendation? The dentist in question could tell them that they are using shit, and they say “I don’t care, I recommend this quarz-mud toothpaste!” Stupid BS!

The organic lies!
“This stuff is homegrown, ecologic clean conscience, organic food!” – it comes from a major brand, hence it is anything BUT homegrown! George Carlin has written/spoken about this quite a lot, only that the organic bullshit hadn’t been launched fullscale back then. But I completely agree with him on that. You want homegrown, organic food? GROW SOME! And save the seeds asshole. If you need to go and BUY seeds you get fucked over by monsanto and consorts.

Voodoo powder!
My son is a year old and shares everything with his friends.” *kid eats cake hands spoon to friend who eat with it* “But is he safe?” no. The minute the little kid pops out of you, he is in danger. The very minute his existence began actually.
But pumping them full with Voodoo powder milk that should boost his health or what ever is probably making him sick. Your mum stopped breastfeeding you at about 6 months old. Maybe later. Did you survive? If the answer is yes, guess what.
THATS THE WAY TO GO! Your immune system needs to be under attack to build up a defense, thats how most vaccines work. A virus that has been made inactive gets injected into your bloodstream, your immunesystem learns all about it and is capable of defending against it if the real shit came along. Same goes for your kid’s immunesystem. Voodoo powder at best delays the inevitable! Feed the little ones a helathy diet, lots of vitamins, not so much sugar (no artificial sweeteners!) and he’ll be off good. Stop throwing your Voodoo powder down my direction! After all – countless generations have survived wothout it, and the argument it boosts brain development – Alber Einstein had no Voodoo Powder, and became THE Albert Einstein.

Rise and shine.
“Rising cities, here you are the mayor…” *skip* – I don’t care for any of your stupid little browser games, or facebook games. I already touched that topic in pt.1

Rinse and shine – this cleaning lotion gets you over pimples…shut up. That shit dries out your skin, and you will have to get a moisturizer, which cloggs up your pores, which GIVES YOU PIMPLES!
While I’m at the topic of creams and rinses.  “The L’Oreal youthCode, plant stemcells, rejuvenating”… AGE IN DIGNITY! If one more of the old cuntbags shows up on my screen telling me how she still has perfect smooth skin at 70, all because of the freaking cream and wash, I’m gonna kill every beauty surgeon on the planet! Let’s see how she fares then!

Cars to die for.
New cars that only use 4.5 liters of gas per 100 kilometers and have a hybrid engine are being hailed as the new green stuff.
It isn’t. There is nothing green, natural, environment friendly, ecologic or even economic about a fucking car! Get it into your heads folks, these things make you fat, cost money and pollute. ALWAYS.
You want a green car? Take Flinstones mobile or a fully electric one.
One that doesn’t burn stuff, that is green. Now stop trying to sell cars as green and peaceful that are anything BUT!

Furniture for Idiots.
I don’t know wether you my dear readers are tormented with furniture stores advertising like they had a lobotomy, I certainly am, like my fellow Austrians. They have a red couch – barely room enough for two people, costing almost 3.000Euro, now redesigned with goggly eyes and a stuck out tongue, for reasons of insane price days…or a family that originally lived in the store, and I hated them from the start all those years ago. They get sillier, and sillier, noisier, and noisier, and I loathe them. Or a superhero who slashes living cartoon prices in half, and they are happy afterwards – I sometimes ask myself whether the brains behind it have escaped from a uberbrutal S&M ring, or whether they are targeting the people who have been watching too much Tom&Jerry in their childhood. The screaming teenage girl Ikea throws at us lately is just the tip of the iceberg, but it is enough. THrow the little cunt in her room, lock the door, bar the window(s) and let her calm down.

Clothes for naked people.
Yes, you read that correct. But actually it’s naked people making a case for clothes they barely wear. Scantly dressed whores (sorry feminists, but if you look at them in any other way I doubt your vision is clear) and beefed up douchebags (sorry malinists, see above) with open shirts are NOT making a case for your cloths. Yes, cloths, not clothes.
These rugs are barely something to ware but stuff to wipe the floor with. But that is another topic, the ads with naked people for CLOTHES eludes me. I don’t get it. Neither do I understand why women would buy shoes after seeing a skinny chick wear them naked in ads.

I know that some YouTubers make their living with YouTube, and thus with advertising. In all honesty, although I am a fan of some of them, I hope the entire advertising industry crashes into a crisis that will never allow them to resurface.
The Advertising University (!) in austria is making advertising for itself, and I have to say, these are the shittiest ads I have ever seen. And don’t get me started on the lowest of them all – Axe deodorants…

We have billboards at the streets, other forms of advertisements on the streets, ads in papers, ads on webpages – even facebook, ads in Apps, ads on the radio and TV, ads on their own (flyers), ads in the videos as banners, as blocks and as videos. That they now start suggesting ads seems desperate. The bubble has reached critical mass, if you work in advertising I’d suggest to pull out before it bursts.

At least the faces of politicians aren’t staring at me, yet. But we have an election coming up this year…

A.